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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28761174">No One But You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eureka234/pseuds/Eureka234'>Eureka234</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Ending, Alternate Ending - Cyberpunk 2077, Angst with a Happy Ending, Corpo V (Cyberpunk 2077), Cyberpunk 2077 Spoilers, Eventual Sex, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, Friendship/Love, Not Really Character Death, POV First Person, POV Johnny Silverhand, Platonic Romance, Platonic Soulmates, Sharing a Body, Soft Johnny Silverhand, V Needs A Hug (Cyberpunk 2077)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:33:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>26,498</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28761174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eureka234/pseuds/Eureka234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alt has calculated the options for V. Johnny is determined to find another.</p><p>Spoilers for the end of Cyberpunk 2077.</p><p>Completed 4/2/2021.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Johnny Silverhand &amp; Female V, Judy Alvarez &amp; Johnny Silverhand, Judy Alvarez/Female V, Rogue Amendiares/Johnny Silverhand</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Johnny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is the ending I was hoping would be in the game but wasn't. I hope you enjoy it.</p><p>Song title is based off the Queen song.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Johnny, just give me a minute, will ya? Fuck!" V screamed. She slammed a fist on the table. It echoed into the nothing of cyberspace.</p><p>The girl was pissed. Couldn't blame her. Not in the vomit up twice the amount you drank pissed. The 'murder you' eyes. V had great 'murder you' eyes - almost as charming as mine. But I wasn't going to compete with her tonight.</p><p><em>I did not take into account the human body as a factor</em>, is what Alt had said. The real Alt would never think that. That bullshit spanner in the works made me want to rip each data byte down from this black and blue nightmare and shove it up Alt's arse. Then she'd realise what the human body could do. But once the rage blew over me like a head V had sliced off, I remembered Alt. How she used to be. The AI conglomerate might have missed more than the obvious.</p><p>I folded my arms over and leaned into the table. "V, you're a corpo-rat at heart."</p><p>"Fuck you, Johnny."</p><p>"Let's throw all this crap of what we thought we knew away, and think together."</p><p>"Mmhmm."</p><p>"Legends think outside the cage. We don't have to listen to what Alt says. She's no better than you, when you really think about it."</p><p>"How 'bout you start making sense?" V snapped. Tears welled in her eyes. Her hands trembled against the table, making mine vibrate.</p><p>"Why did you decide to let me drive?" I tested her. "You didn't have to give me the keys."</p><p>"Because I trust you?" V said, tossing her head with indignation. "You are the devil voice on my shoulder that sometimes made me laugh or have a great idea. My own conscience isn't nearly as funny or intelligent."</p><p>"You're fucking stupid stroking my ego right now. It stifles my creativity like the sound of the badges outside my door. Honestly, I'd say 'suck my cock' but the 0s and 1s doesn't get me hard unlike BD junkie trashbags."</p><p>V laughed and turned a palm to the sky. "See. Doin' it now." </p><p>I smiled at her. She slouched forward, that way she did when contemplating. "What were you getting at before?"</p><p>Her voice was calm again. Good.</p><p>"Serious question for you. What do corpo rats, corpo CEOs and Alt have in common?"</p><p>"They're cold, spineless," V answered. She crossed her arms, leaning back in the chair. "Only think about the all-or-nothing, the numbers, no human factor."</p><p>"Exactly, they're soulless dickwads," I said. "Nothing is about emotions or shades of grey. Alt may be able to read our minds and know a lot about computers no one cares about, but she can't figure out solutions in the middle." </p><p>V frowned. Her ocean coloured hair reflected the glow of the neon lego around us. "What could there be in the middle?"</p><p>"I'll be straight with you, V," I said. "I may have wanted you to die in the beginning. Shit, I am  wondering how we made it this far. There may be way better people out there in the world than you, that deserve life more than you, but I won't let you die."</p><p>"There are no other options," V said, flatly. "We had our idea and it's busted. The plan has gotta change."</p><p>"What if neither of us have to die?"</p><p>Part of V's upper lip rose, exposing near perfect teeth. She squinted slightly, her brown eyes appearing orange. Alt surveyed us from further away like the space satellite she blew up.</p><p>Mikoshi wasn't silent. It had humming in the background like an overheating computer. A room of ice and fans were needed to cool it. </p><p>"I don't see how that's possible."</p><p>"Your body will only accept me, right? I've been clouding your mirrors too long. What if Alt could make a third engram that has both our data on it? Enough of me that your body stops attacking itself."</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>"We don't need Hellman for this. Alt wouldn't have thought of it - because we originally asked how to save you. We were digging down the wrong rabbit hole." V still didn't look convinced, so I added, "We're similar already. We could become a Johnny-V hybrid."</p><p>"VJ," V laughed.</p><p>"Not that."</p><p>V sighed and fiddled with her nail beds. She slouched further down the chair like a depressed teenager. "But then… would I even be 'me' anymore? What would happen to you?"</p><p>"Creating a hybrid engram is possible," Alt's omnipresent voice boomed. "To create an engram that will function coherently within V's body - some of V's memories will be unable to be transferred." </p><p>I stared at V and she was staring at me. We might have had identical expressions.</p><p>"My memories?" V asked. She turned to the left, addressing the red Alt. "Which ones would I have to lose?"   </p><p>"That is outside of my control," Alt said. "You two alone must decide what is on the third engram. V's body will reject it if the composition is too strongly like V."</p><p>I stood from the table, and moved over to sit on the other side. Next to her. "V," I said. "What parts of my life make me who I am?"</p><p>"The key parts that tell your story," V said. "Starting Samurai, the friendships you made and subsequently destroyed, lovers, and the assault on Arasaka. The shitty parts especially… and also meeting me." </p><p>She looked down like the last part was shameful. It was embarrassing, sure, but not a terrible mistake.</p><p>"Maybe my memories of watching you should stay," I said.</p><p>"Meaning my memories when you were in my head... would go?" V surmised.</p><p>"Look. I don't like or want the idea, but pretend for a sec they do disappear. Keeping my perspective of our time together won't remove it. You made me less of an arsewipe. A hybrid engram would make no sense without my memories of you." </p><p>"Thanks," V said. She edged closer to me. Our thighs almost touched. "And agreed. Wouldn't it... make it look like I was the intruder?"</p><p>"You <em>were</em> the intruder. I didn't ask to be put on that damned chip. That's why we're here in the first place."</p><p>"Ok," V said. She tapped her fingers on the table. "What parts made me who I am?"</p><p>"The shit before I met you," I said. "Arasaka stuff. Jackie. Judy. Your one good past relationship before Judy. Big changes, V."</p><p>"Yeah," V said. "You didn't miss much, hey?"</p><p>"Sure I did," I said. "It just isn't the sort of life I'd watch with popcorn."</p><p>V held out a hand. "Agreed?"</p><p>I was a second away from shaking her hand when Alt said,  "Your new engram will be completed in 5 minutes." </p><p>"The hell? We didn't even finish," V roared.</p><p>"No sense for others privacy, Alt?" I retorted. </p><p>Alt hovered between us. "When you are ready to return to your body, walk together over the waterfall."</p><p>V and I paused as a third blue and black lego path extended to our right. The path ended like the yellow beam to Cyberspace, though the golden code trickled downwards. A pipe to eternity, to SoulKiller. For the new engram to exist, our souls would have to be murdered.</p><p>"Can do," I said. I stood from the chair. "Who are we gonna be? V? Or do we create a new name?" </p><p>"It's my body. It can stay V," she said. "Maybe we can negotiate a system on who's driving?"</p><p>"That'll be me," I said. "Fifty fifty to start with?"</p><p>"I'll talk to those clones of each other that I whooped the asses of. They did a system for days of the week."</p><p>"Or we could do week on, week off like we're divorced and splitting custody."</p><p>"I like that idea." She chuckled. "I better find myself a good lawyer."</p><p>"I know just where to find one."</p><p>Happy V was so much nicer than 'murder eyes' V, even if that V was a badass. </p><p>V held out her hand. All this time we had never tried to hold hands. There was no reason to, and it would also look stupid. Knowing the AI conglomerate, this might be a requirement for our new engram to be accepted. Johnny Silverhand and Valerie as we knew ourselves were about to die. It didn't matter anymore. I took it and smiled at her. She smiled back, reflecting the kinda beauty I could write a new song about. In Night City her cheeks would be rosy, teeth pearly white, the skin near her eyes creased. Her hand generated an artificial warmth, though I could still feel pressure against my palm. It was good. Reminded me of Alt, or even Rogue. Women I loved for better or worse. We began to walk together on the platform. There was barely enough space for the two of us, so we kept close. Knocking elbows, stumbling intermittently like kids trying to sneak into the cinema without tickets.</p><p>"What if the hybrid engram just makes us one person?" V asked. Her hand tensed. "Some new cyberpsychosis gonk who doesn't know which way is up?"</p><p>"Won't let that happen," I said. "Alt wants to merge all the souls in Mikoshi. Doesn't mean we have to."</p><p>"Could be like a double brain dance that Judy did, or syncing signals like with Panam."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>We stood over the edge of the waterfall. The end. Our salvation. This time we were walking towards it, not running. Maybe there was something to that. Even so electricity surged through me. Panic. I was never great with heights. My hand tightened against hers instinctively.</p><p>"Think five minutes is up?" V asked. Her voice was louder, clearer, as though the waterfall of cyber piss was absorbing the Mikoshi noise. The echo sounded human. Normal.</p><p>"The way you talk? Definitely," I said. "If it goes to shit, you've been a good kid."</p><p>"Friend. That's the word you want." V said. Her eyes darted from side to side. She was pale. Looking down, she whispered. "Just promise… don't forget me."</p><p>"Couldn't if I tried," I said. "That counts for you too, V. If you ever wanted to kick me in the balls, this might be your last chance."</p><p>V kicked my thigh and shoved me against my chest. I stumbled back though she pulled me forward, back next to her. "If you were ever tempted to pull the rockstar sleeze Johnny on me the option is never gonna be there again."</p><p>"Ha. Ha," I said dryly. She thought I wanted to feel her up, fuck her till her body can't make its own lubricant anymore? No way. I'd seen too much of her. "Get outta your daydreams, V. Best you're gonna get is the sorta kiss I save for the dressing room girls backstage."</p><p>I planted a quick peck on her cheek. Nothing special. Just for old times sake. </p><p>V grinned. She flushed in the cheeks, trying to hide it like a loser by avoiding my eye. "Thanks… for the thought. Anything more and I woulda puked."</p><p>"You're telling me."</p><p> I grinned back at her. She was the bass player I couldn't do without. My best friend, my soulmate. We found each other in desperation, we were joined together in ideology, and kept together by the anticipation of our next gig. Now it was time for applause, the curtain to close and the audience to scream themselves hoarse. We'd be legends, and fucking sellouts too.</p><p>"We keep holding hands?" V checked.</p><p>"Yeah, I replied.</p><p>V nodded, "Ok."</p><p>Her voice pitched. She sounded like she choked. My friend shook, and hunched over, grasping my hand to her chest, trying to make herself stop crying. </p><p>"What is the sobbing for? We are going to get through this." </p><p>"Tell Judy I love her if I don't make it," V rushed, gasping for breath. Tears ran down her face before vanishing into cyberspace.</p><p>"Told ya before. Not happening."</p><p>V nodded, her breath stuttering like a scratched CD. She glanced over the edge,  into the universe of data. Silence. Before turning to me, lip trembling.</p><p>"I love you, Johnny."</p><p>The mopey loser. V was being overly emotional. No murder eyes. Just an imploring stare, trying to hold a heart together that was breaking.</p><p>I tried to stop my mouth drying. There was only one true answer. My throat hurt to say it.</p><p>"I love you too, V." </p><p>I stepped closer to the edge so my boot was hanging off. Squares and cubes ran down, and a pitch blackness. </p><p>"I'm not letting you go. Hold onto me no matter what, alright?"</p><p>"P-promise," V said. She scooted closer and wrapped an arm around me, a partner for skydiving. She swallowed. "You've got fifty years of your life to catch up on. I just hope death doesn't hurt."</p><p>"Course it will," I said. "Cause you won't ever shut up."</p><p>V laughed. The last tears fell from her face. I gripped tight to her shirt with my free hand, so strongly it might tear. I stepped backwards, not wanting to see what was behind me. Only a new path was left. The one in front, the road we paved together. V's eyes crinkled shut, lines appearing on her forehead. She braced for the sweet embrace of death. Her second time. And mine.</p><p>I kicked and jumped back. The shadowy floor vanished. The icy void of cyberspace rushed through our ears. My stomach lurched. My heart skidded to stay on route. Streams of gold vortexed around us. Blinding. She held me close, tighter. I had the wheel, and I would keep driving until she was safe. Forever, if I had to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. V</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for the support so far. I had to think for a while on how to do the 'epilogue' sequence. It'll only be short, but I hope you like it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dead bodies littered the floor. Intruder alarms rang. Red lights flashed. We had to get out. Fast.</p><p><em>Who the hell is that?</em> I wondered. My voice was female. What? That wasn't right.</p><p>I stared at the gonk walking with space boots. V's body was moving but I wasn't controlling it anymore. Someone had taken over her body. </p><p><em>V? You there?</em> A man asked. My voice. Had I, the legendary Johnny Silverhand, been cloned? No. Impossible. That was an imposter named V. She had stolen my voice. She had taken over like she wanted, and I was dying. No wonder everything hurt. </p><p>"Did Alt complete the procedure?" Weyland asked, practically waddling with all his gear. He turned left. V followed.</p><p>"Think so," the Imposter answered. Female voice. "But V's gone silent. Hope she hasn't flatlined."</p><p>"You mean the medication would have worn off?"</p><p>"V shouldn't need it anymore," the Imposter said. "The idea was we'd become one engram to save her life. Maybe this is just it. It's a one man band."</p><p>That's not what happened in Mikoshi. I was meant to take over V's body. Alt had said there was no other alternative. The Imposter had perfected my walk, my mannerisms. The bitch. The wonderfully observant, cunning...</p><p>"V?!" The Imposter called again. Her voice echoed throughout the Arasaka Mikoshi floor.</p><p>"Why not talk to V in your head?" Weyland asked.</p><p>"'Cause my head feels like Adam Smasher drilled through it with an iron dildo," the Imposter snapped. "Do me a favour and focus on getting us outta here."</p><p>"I understand," Weyland said. He pointed a finger diagonally up. "We will take one of the windows on this floor."</p><p><em>Stop pretending to be me</em>, I growled. I tried to move, but nothing budged. It was like I was made of lead. <em>Get out of my head and die here. It's where you belong, corpo rat scum.</em></p><p>"Great to hear your voice, V," the Imposter continued out loud. She gripped her head, slowing down. "I'm the furthest gonk away from a corpo rat. What the fuck are you smoking?"</p><p>Sliding doors opened, thanks to Weyland. They were out of the Mikoshi room into the hall where Smasher had died, where Rogue been murdered. No more guards had entered. Yet. Blood smeared the floor, and torn electrical wires from drones. The rumble of boots stormed from the other side of the hall door, muffled yelling in Japanese.</p><p><em>You know what you've done</em>, I told V. <em>You're a great liar but you haven't fooled me. Why don't you tell Weyland what really happened? How you betrayed my trust, sold your soul to the devil.</em></p><p>"What really happened is we have a unique engram now," the Imposter explained. "It's mostly my memories with some of yours."</p><p><em>No</em>. The memories were mine. Johnny Silverhand's. <em>You're lying.</em> </p><p>"I get that it's weird," the Imposter acknowledged. "I can't focus with this migraine. Answer me this, now." She yelled to the floor like into a mobile phone while blocking one ear. "Who do you think you are?"</p><p><em>Who do you think YOU are?</em> I screamed. Finally, I stood. The room wobbled.</p><p>Weyland pulled the Imposter's arm to the right. "This way."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>They lightly jogged. Weyland pressed a button. A glass door slid open. A window was above a desk against the wall. We edged nearer. </p><p>"I'm Johnny Silverhand, you fucking idiot," the Imposter growled. She spat phlegm onto the floor. "You're V with most of your memories wiped."</p><p>Most of V's memories were gone… and V was me? It couldn't be. My body tensed, every muscle screaming. A vein pulsed in my temple.</p><p><em>LIAR</em>! I yelled. <em>You're pretending to be me so you can get out of here alive. I can tell. I'M Johnny Silverhand.</em></p><p>"You're fucking delusional, that's what you are," The Imposter raised her voice. She stopped and leaned against a pillar. </p><p>"We have to keep moving," Weyland urged the Imposter, pulling on her netrunning suit at the shoulder. "There'll be time to rest later."</p><p>"Smash the window, then I'll join ya," the Imposter said, pushing Weyland away with that same arm.</p><p>"Alright. The yelling is too much anyway," Weyland said. He loaded his gun and walked into the centre of the room.</p><p><em>Why are you walking away from Mikoshi?</em> I demanded. <em>Huh? Think you're smart?</em></p><p>"We're done with Mikoshi," the Imposter answered. "Do you remember it?"</p><p>My head hurt too much to. I couldn't tell the Imposter that. She would use it against me. </p><p>"Get lost," I ordered. I took uneven strides towards her, my enemy. Betrayer. She covered her face with an arm.</p><p>"Cover your eyes," Weyland said.</p><p>Boom. The wall temporarily lit with gunfire.</p><p>The window smashed. I winced. The Imposter cringed and gripped harder against the pillar as her knees buckled. Hundreds of shards of glass skidded against the floor. Some went right through me.</p><p>"You have no logical argument to back your delusional bullshit," the Imposter shouted. She swiped an arm down and up, like introducing me. "You know it, V. Look at yourself. Look inside - real hard."</p><p>"Johnny! Over here! Quickly," Weyland urged her. He ran over to the pillar and pulled the Imposter away by the arm. She followed, stumbling. </p><p>"I heard you - oh my god," the Imposter said.</p><p>I don't know why I listened. I observed my arms - V's. Slim forearms with a port in my palm. My legs were V's too, covered in her favourite pair of jeans. My body flickered. The same V as the solid V in front of me.</p><p>No. It couldn't be real. It didn't make sense.</p><p>The real V held a clawed hand to her face as she walked towards the window. Her other arm grasping her pistol swung like a pendulum. Jagged sharp glass still remained around the edges of the window, but there was enough space for a person to fit through. Weyland climbed onto the desk. He bashed some of the remaining glass away with his gun.</p><p>I followed. Walking was difficult, like my legs had a serious case of pins and needles. Pure agony. The room shook with every step. I wanted to punch V, make her see sense. Make her see the truth. </p><p><em>You're giving me a headache</em>, I called after her, trying to step over the glass instinctively. I fell too far behind and rematerialised a metre from V.</p><p>"You're so full of shit your brain is constipated," the Imposter snarled, watching over her shoulder. "That's why we have a headache, smartass."</p><p><em>Bitch</em>, I muttered. Walking was draining my energy to speak. <em>Wait till we get outta here and I'll kill you myself.</em></p><p>"Not this again," the Imposter muttered. She crunched glass beneath her boots.</p><p>"You'll have to stop talking to V," Weyland said. He was on the window sill. "We need to jump and move fast."</p><p>"Where are we gonna go?" The Imposter asked. She hoisted herself up on the desk with a grunt and crawled through the window. "I'll say one more thing to V and be right behind you."</p><p>"Don't talk too long," Weyland said. "V will get bored of you."</p><p>He jumped.</p><p>The room rattled from the guards sprinting towards us, sped up with implants. My implants automatically translated the Japanese.</p><p>"Not in the hall."</p><p>"This way!"</p><p>"Here!"</p><p> I climbed through the broken window. V sat over the edge of the window sill like it was a park bench. </p><p>"Shit," she said.</p><p><em>Double shit</em>, I agreed. Helicopters with news logos surrounded the building, police too. Women and men with cameras were crowded around the Arasaka entrance. Our only solace was that bushes were below us. With any luck we could run for our lives and avoid any more gunfire or flash photography. My heart raced. Were we about to die for a third time?</p><p>V met my gaze, craned her neck, and inspected my expression seriously. She was impassive, except for creases on her forehead. Her brown eyes were glossy, reflecting silver from the moon. Judging by the wind, it was cold, but I couldn't feel it.</p><p>"V, you listening?"</p><p>I nodded. Name was wrong, whatever. V reached out her hand, but instead of connecting with my knee it went through it. She recoiled her wrist, curling her fingers, her painted nails aligning with my outline. A poison pierced my chest - emotion. Faint, not mine.</p><p>"I know what happened hurts," V said. "I know it sucks balls, but speaking as your friend… try to remember what we talked about in Mikoshi."</p><p>"But…" I began. V <em>had</em> been my friend - right until five minutes ago. Mikoshi made everything go wrong. It was too painful to remember. "I don't even know… who you are anymore."</p><p>My voice softened so much I almost didn't hear it. My throat was sore.</p><p>V frowned, picking away an individual blue hair stuck on the bridge of her straight nose.</p><p>"I'm Johnny, your friend," she said. "You're V, my friend, and you've gotten confused."</p><p>The door on the other side of the room slammed open so hard the glass cracked. </p><p>"Found you," a cyborg guard exclaimed. He pointed his assault rifle and fired. Unarmed, I ducked and screamed. V pushed back from the wall, twisting backwards, and fired her pistol. My trusty pistol, the one I gave her for a gift. The silver shone beneath the stars. </p><p>Bang. Bang. Bang.</p><p>That sound was so satisfying. From the recoil I saw the gentle bounce of V's necklace, its silver chain. Our friendship had been a guiding star. And it was imploding.</p><p>"Jump!" I ordered. I pushed myself away from the wall, hearing the clink of ricocheting bullets. They rained through me. </p><p>I vanished. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Johnny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The metal door to the apartment slid open with a click.</p><p>“V,” Judy said. She leaned her weight on her back foot. “You’re in one messy piece." She screwed up her face at my chest. "What the shit are you wearing?"</p><p>V's girlfriend was in cotton pajama shorts and a singlet. And I was in the ugliest orange disaster in Night City, with space boots.</p><p>"Used toilet paper," I replied, flatly. "It's the latest trend for kids blinded by naive ideals and stupidity."</p><p><em> Why're you ignoring me!? </em> V growled. My skull pounded. My soulmate could be kicking on me with steel cap boots for how much it hurt. Her voice was shrill, unexpected mic feedback. Hell times a thousand. I leaned against the metal grid to the left, wincing.</p><p>"I'll find you something cuter," Judy assured me. She lowered her voice. "If you're here, did that plan you were gonna do work?” </p><p>“Fuck yeah it did, and now the media’s on my trail,” I said. I checked no one had followed me. “Listen, V’s taking a back seat at the moment. Mind if I crash at yours tonight?”</p><p>“Don’t mind at all,” Judy replied, matter of fact, stepping into the apartment. Her smile vanished. </p><p>“Good,” I said, pushing past her and punching the button to close the door. I breathed carefully, leaning against the blue wall with painted white and black jellyfish.  Everything here looked normal, the purple and yellow lights, the radio playing techno. Sirens screeched from behind the brick wall, approaching… then disappeared again.</p><p>"Thank god," I groused.</p><p>“Is V okay?” Judy asked. She kept a few steps away from me, like I was a drunk about to punch her in the head. I hadn't destroyed my liver enough to do that.</p><p><em> No </em>, I thought. “She’s alive. That’s all you need to know right now. I’m feeling beat up, can’t explain it.”</p><p>I moved into her kitchen and sat on a round leather high chair. I put my head in my hands. Now far away from Arasaka Tower, I could finally take in the past few hours. I  got into Mikoshi, and neither V or I died. Rogue was put to sleep by that Smasher cunt. I showed him. Revenge wasn’t nearly as sweet as the movies promised. They guaranteed a flash of pleasure, ecstasy for your ego. A downright lie. All I got was a nauseating crash. Guess it doesn’t help that I wanted to kill him twice. </p><p>V had stopped her psychotic tantrum while I ran from Arasaka Tower to a nearby hotel. Once Weyland and I were out of danger V relapsed. Since the media and NCPD were shitting themselves I had opted to go straight to Charter Street via a taxi instead of stopping by the Afterlife to collect my clothes. It wasn't the same club without Rogue. Never would be.</p><p>“I’ll get you something for those cuts,” Judy said, inspecting one on my arm where the suit had torn. “Look deep and nasty. Not in a superstar hot way.” She reached high for a cupboard left of the fridge. V blocked my view and stormed in front. </p><p><em> Why are you chatting up my girlfriend? </em> she shouted. Her flickering image pointed accusingly like Mamma Welles about to slap a bitch. Except I was the bitch. </p><p>“She’s not just your girlfriend anymore,” I snapped, hitting the benchtop. “She’s ours now. Deal with it.” </p><p>“You’re… yelling at V?” Judy asked. She stepped forward, tentatively, placing a metal biscuit tin on the benchtop. Instead of shortbread it had bandages, saline, gauze… everything I needed. I picked up a bandage while Judy lifted a plastic squeeze tube of saline. </p><p>“I won't sugar-coat crap - she’s not all there,” I said. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Judy asked. She ripped open a packet of gauze and tipped saline onto it. Beads of sweat shone on her forehead. "Did someone jack into her and mess up her circuits?"</p><p><em> You don’t have a right to live in my body </em> ! V protested. She tried to pick up the biscuit tin though her arms went through it. She rounded on me next, tried to shove me on the chest. <em> Get out. It's mine.  </em></p><p>“You’ll get your body back once I know you can handle it,” I replied out loud, hoping Judy would understand. “Until then shut the fucking hell up, or our killer headache will be forever.” </p><p>Judy looked around the room as if she expected to see V too. </p><p><em> You lied to me </em> , V said. Anguished tears betrayed her rage. <em> You dickhead...asshole... liar.  </em></p><p>V was dressed the same as in Mikoshi. She had her favourite Galaxy t shirt and jeans. She sat on the spare high chair opposite the benchtop and cried like a sleep deprived baby. <em> None of this is real. You’re not meant to be here </em>.</p><p>“So…” Judy said, slowly. “You’re… Johnny, right? The personality construct guy.” </p><p>“That’s me,” I replied. “Nice to meet you officially.” I extended a hand. “Silverhand.” </p><p>“I know who you are,” Judy said. She shook my hand. “Heard all the stories ‘bout you, terrorist crackhead.” </p><p>“Hey, I was a lotta things, but a crackhead wasn’t one,” I retorted. I swung my arm out so forcefully it knocked a box of bandaids to the floor. “I only took crack once. There’s way better stimulants getting manufactured since 2020.” </p><p>“Whatever you say, Silverhand,” Judy said. She crossed her arms and surveyed the ceiling. “What happened to V? Why won't you tell me?</p><p>“Too busy trying to deal with her. She’s bawling like a toddler who didn’t get ice cream,” I explained. “Annoying as fuck. You can’t see her, but she’s on that chair.” I pointed her out. V was wiping her eyes and her dribbling nose on her arm. Disgusting. “Can you listen to me for a sec?”</p><p>“I got all the secs,” Judy said. She sat on the chair next to me, rotated it, leaned forward and opened her legs like a man would. “Not going anywhere. Spill.” </p><p>“Rogue Amendiares was killed at Arasaka Tower tonight,” I said. I knew that Judy would recognise the name. “By the same fuck who murdered me. Rogue meant as much to me as Ev did to you, so I’d appreciate it if I don’t explain what happened to V tonight.” </p><p>“Fuck, dude, I’m so sorry,” Judy said. Her pupils became pin pricks. All of a sudden I wasn’t a terrorist in her eyes. Finally. She raised two fingers. “Want a smoke?” </p><p>“Yes."</p><p>“Can do,” Judy said. She stood. </p><p><em> Judy… don’t go </em>, V implored. She threw her entire torso over the benchtop to reach her, and didn't get close.</p><p>“V wants you here,” I told Judy. </p><p>“We won’t puff hoops into the air yet,” Judy said. “She can hear me?”</p><p>“Every word - if she’s listening.”</p><p><em> I am listening </em>, V said, sneering. </p><p>“We’re gonna help you feel better, V,” Judy said, addressing the top of V's head. “Whatever it takes.” </p><p>“Whatever it takes, V,” I agreed. </p><p>First, Judy cleaned the wounds on my arms with the gauze. “You beat yourself up good.”</p><p>"Arasaka's fault."</p><p>V nodded. </p><p>“Piles of gold could fall out of my mouth and it wouldn’t mean shit to V,” I said. "Can you help?"</p><p>V flipped me the bird. Maybe she was acknowledging who she was.</p><p>"I'll do my best," Judy said, picking up a roller bandage. "Don't know what to do though."</p><p>"Most important detail to keep in the forefront of your mind is that she’s confused," I said. "Don’t talk to her about tonight, or anything that’ll make her blow her top off. The situation is not as terrible as she makes it out to be - she can’t make sense of what happened yet. Piling on the truth’s gonna make it travel in one cybernetic ear and out the other. Calming her down is the priority. Help me with this and I promise I’ll work up the guts to talk about Arasaka Tower to you tomorrow.”</p><p>“Makes sense,” Judy said. She rolled the bandage around my arm. "Any way I can talk to her?"</p><p>"I’ll translate. I don’t know if she’s strong enough to take over, even though she wants to."</p><p> “Basically I talk to you like V’s here, and you’ll talk back if she has anything to say, like the intercom?” </p><p>“A walkie talkie,” I agreed.</p><p>“Little weird, but I’ll get used to it,” Judy said. She put on a sweet smile and leaned her arms onto the benchtop. “V, how ‘bout I run a bath? Put on your favourite music, get one of those bath bombs I haven’t used for ages. Just the two of us.”</p><p>V nodded, still blubbering. </p><p>“She agrees,” I said. </p><p>“Great,” Judy said. “Come with me V.” </p><p>V slowly stood. I walked just behind her, so we would be sharing the same perspective if she wanted to see through my eyes.</p><p>Judy turned back, with a squint. “V once said you see everything she sees. Does that mean -”</p><p>“I’ve seen your tits and pussy, yeah,” I replied. </p><p>V’s girlfriend went red. “I knew before, but seems more real now.” She opened the bathroom door. “No judgement?”</p><p>“You have a nice pair on you,” I said. “That’s the only kinda judgement I’ll make.” </p><p>“Good,” Judy said. “Otherwise I’d blindfold you or something.”</p><p>“Not my kink, but whatever,” I said. </p><p>Judy bent over to press the metal button for the shower. Water rained out. She held a hand underneath, probably testing the temperature. V stood behind Judy and tried to wrap her arms around her.</p><p>“Hug incoming from V,” I said, and I copied the hug the best I could. This was a terrible hugging position - with my groin pressed against Judy's tiny ass. If I had a dick, it would go hard against my better judgement. I relayed what V said, “<em> Thanks, Judy. I missed you </em>.” </p><p>“Missed you too, love,” Judy said. “You doing ok in there?”</p><p>“<em>I wish I was,</em>” I imparted. </p><p>“Baby, I’m sorry,” Judy said. She reached into the bath to push in the plastic plug. Steam billowed through the room as the water splashed. “Just you wait. My friend Johnny and I are gonna make everything right again.” </p><p>“<em>I dunno </em>,” I tried to act, and put the feeling into my voice. I wasn’t as goddamn depressing as V was so it was a shit imitation.</p><p>“We will,” Judy said. “No matter what. Take it easy tonight, ok? Nothing hard.” </p><p>“She agreed,” I said, as I tried to nod how V was - rubbing my cheek into Judy’s back. This was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.</p><p>“Good,” Judy said. She stood. “It helps to not do this by myself.” </p><p>She used a finger to wipe away tears. “Sorry. I was so worried about you, V. Thought that phone call might have been the last. Good to talk to you again, ya know?”</p><p>“<em>Yeah,</em>” I passed on.  </p><p>Judy held onto my arms and pulled them away. I held onto her tighter. “V… think you can get in the bath for me?” </p><p>I shook my head against Judy. </p><p>“I won’t be gone for long,” Judy assured V. “Or… do you want to ditch the music? I can just get the bath bomb.”</p><p>“<em> I’ll get it </em>,” I relayed. I kissed Judy’s shoulder and let go so I could reach the shelves next to the bathtub. Crouching, I waited while V rummaged through the contents, tilting her head to read each one. Judy had small containers of bath salts and bombs of different colours. Finally, V pointed at a violet one labelled Sakura Storm. I took it out. It felt squishy, like it was made of sponge. Beauty corps these days. </p><p>“V wants this one,” I explained, passing it to Judy. </p><p>“Sweet choice, V,” Judy said with a spritely grin. She unwrapped the bath bomb and held it out. “Wanna make it explode into glitter?” </p><p>“Why the hell would you want glitter in the bath?” I admonished. </p><p><em> Shut up, Johnny </em>, V said. She stormed next to Judy and swiped at the bomb. Like usual, it didn't work.</p><p>“V?” Judy asked, titling her head. </p><p>“Nah, that was me,” I said. “V told me off too.” </p><p>I had to learn when to shut up. In V’s head I could interrupt whichever conversation I pleased and no one would hear me. This was different. I had to respect V, otherwise we would achieve nothing.  </p><p>“You’re welcome,” Judy said, scrunching the wrapper into a ball like it was my own head. </p><p>The bath bomb didn’t explode as spectacularly as they advertised. It slowly fizzed and bubbled, a cloud of pink and purple spread from the middle of the bath outward. Silver glitter floated to the surface. Judy dipped her hand in the water, and adjusted the other shower button for a minute. Then the stream from the shower head turned to a drip.</p><p>“It’s warm enough. Hop in, V,” Judy said, with a smile. </p><p>“Time to get naked,” I said, before transferring, “V says thanks.” </p><p>V glared as I slipped off her netrunning suit and boots. Rogue had been right. It was hideous. V undressed too, even if it would have made little difference.</p><p>“Anything for you, love,” Judy said, softly. She squinted at me.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Nothing," Judy said, looking away.</p><p>V was trying to hug Judy again, so I showed V how hugging was done. I walked up to Judy, naked, and ran my hands down her shoulders, before holding her. It was hot to press against her like this. A rush like static traveled over my skin. “Think V wants you to bathe with her.”</p><p>“Is that true, V?” Judy asked. </p><p>“<em> Yes </em> ,” I relayed. “ <em> It would be nice to be with you </em>.”</p><p>Judy went pink. She stared at me, like wondering who was talking. “With Johnny here?” </p><p>“<em> No other choice </em> ,” I interpreted. “ <em> He’s been here the whole time. Why do you suddenly care now? </em>” </p><p>“Cause I’d never met Johnny before,” Judy said, indignant. “You’re right though. He’s cool. He can see me naked for realsies.” </p><p>“Already have, told you,” I said to Judy. “V says ‘about time’.” </p><p>Judy laughed. “You sucker - she’s just teasing me.” </p><p>“She sure is."</p><p>Judy pulled off her singlet and tossed it in the washing basket against the opposite wall. She gripped the elastic of her pajama shorts and hesitated. </p><p>“I’m getting naked for V,” Judy said. “Not you.”</p><p>“Didn’t say you had to get naked for me, anyway,” I grumbled.</p><p>V laughed, <em> you were thinking it. </em> </p><p>“V thinks that’s hilarious,” I said, leaving out the other part. I slowly lowered myself into the water and jolted upright. “What’s it with women making the bath too hot?” </p><p>“Grow some balls,” Judy said, taking off her shorts and tossing it away. She slipped her underwear off. </p><p>“If you wanted me to be offended, I don’t give enough of a shit,” I explained. I breathed steadily to adjust to the water. Covering her breasts with an arm, Judy crouched into the bath. The bath bomb had obscured Judy’s boobs and everything below. Probably for the best. V sat next to Judy. The water didn't splash or ripple.</p><p>“Chill, man,” Judy said. “How’s V going?”</p><p>“She’s smiling now.” </p><p>“Excellent-e. Saying anything?” </p><p>“No,” I said, then passed on, “V says she loves you.” </p><p>Judy smiled. “Tell her I love her too. It’s good you’re feeling better, V.”</p><p>“I’ll say,” I agreed.  Whether the change would last was another story. For now I would take any improvement.</p><p>V smiled. <em> Having a nice perv? </em></p><p>
  <em> Not really. Bath water makes her hard to see.  </em>
</p><p><em> She’s mine </em>, V said. </p><p>
  <em> I know that. I still find her attractive. Shoot me.  </em>
</p><p><em> Don’t touch her </em>, V threatened, sliding a hand to Judy's shoulder.</p><p>
  <em> I’m not gonna do anything. I know she’s into chicks. It’s not right. I wouldn’t trick her, either.  </em>
</p><p><em> If you do, I’ll kick your ass </em>, V said. </p><p>“I didn’t think you’d look so different to V,” Judy remarked. She ran wet fingers through her hair.</p><p>“Rogue said I’m all Johnny Silverhand - impossible to mistake me for V.”</p><p>“Your girl had a point. Sorry about what happened to her.” </p><p>“We’re not talking about Rogue."</p><p>"V? Where is she?"</p><p>I pointed her out. </p><p>Judy's eyes lit up. “Can you feel what Johnny does?”</p><p>“<em> Little bit </em>,” I relayed. </p><p>Judy grinned. "I know what to do."</p><p>She moved towards me and lowered her hand onto my thigh. Was I dreaming? No, because Judy had touched the wrong place. She prodded my calf, painfully with sharp nails. "Hell no, dude. Where's your hand?" </p><p>"Here," I said. I reached out for her and linked her fingers with mine under the water.</p><p>"You have a firm grip," Judy said. "Way more than V. Solid respect." She held up her knuckles for her spare hand, and I fist bumped her.</p><p>"Respect," I told her. "A firm handshake isn't my finest quality."</p><p>V pouted and gave a huffy sigh through her nose. </p><p><em> Touch Judy and you’re dead </em>, she groused. </p><p><em> Death has never been so tempting </em>, I responded. </p><hr/><p>I enjoyed that cigarette Judy offered earlier on the roof in spare pajamas. V's girlfriend wanted to know what it was like for me to have tits and a vagina. I told her the truth, and she was sympathetic. Mostly, we used tobacco to escape meaningful conversation. The silence was beautiful, broken only by the occasional passing car. </p><p>“Did it work?” Judy asked, the end of her cigarette glowing red.</p><p>"What work?"</p><p>"V - she feeling better?"</p><p>"Like did the hand holding do anything?" I blew smoke into the air.</p><p>Judy nodded. I looked for V. She wasn't around. Maybe she had gone to sleep.</p><p>"She's not crying anymore," I settled on.</p><p>"Good." Judy peered up at me with the most agonising puppy eyes I'd seen in recent memory. She had such a dollface - just needed a glittery dress with wings to match. We didn't break eye contact. </p><p>"Can I help you?" I asked, gruffly.</p><p>"Do you think V would like a sweet, lil' goodnight kiss? Or would it make her worse?"</p><p>“Fuck, how desperate are you?” I demanded, lifting my hands to create a wall. </p><p>“You both almost died tonight," Judy said. She placed one hand on her hip. "I’m as desperate as can be."</p><p>I sucked tar into my lungs. "It's your call. I wouldn't know what would help."</p><p>"I think it would," Judy said, with a cheeky smile. She stepped onto her tippy toes. "What do you say, Silverhand?"</p><p>"Nothing."</p><p>“Ok. Platonic kiss from me, lovey dovey kiss for V. Stay still.” </p><p>I did, like pretending to be a statue outside Arasaka Tower. She gave me a short kiss on the cheek. Her lips were small, cool, soft. Fuck, I had never hated V more.</p><p>V materialised next to Judy, grinning and   kissing all over her face to no avail. “Yeah. That worked.” </p><p>"That's amazing," Judy said, with an excitable bounce. "Say stop if I ever give you the creeps."</p><p>I smiled at her elation, before surveying the smoke floating into the night. “That’s <em> not </em>what’s happening." Anything more affectionate wouldn’t have been good for V’s headspace. "Thanks for, uh, your help."</p><p>Judy grinned. "You too, Silverhand."</p><p>We fucked recklessly until dawn. No, we didn't, you dirty minded lowlifes. Judy and I cuddled in her bed until we fell asleep. V quietened. I had been right about approaching Judy. I could aggravate V sometimes, though Judy could settle her down. That was good teamwork, a flawless balance of Yin and Yang. </p><hr/><p>I met Judy at Jig-Jig street after her work the next evening. I wore the most inconspicuous clothes I could find. V was AFK. Judy and I went shopping, ate, and I explained Rogue’s mission from beginning to end, including the terrible parts, and what V and I decided in Mikoshi. We brainstormed what to do to help V.</p><p>V's phone rang in my jacket pocket. I let it go to voicemail. It rang again, and this time I looked at the screen. Rachel was calling - that bitchy corpo media leech. </p><p>I brought the receiver to my ear. “Hey. Called to say I won a million eddies?”</p><p>“No,” Rachel answered. </p><p>“Then I don’t want to hear about it,” I replied. </p><p>“V - I’m presuming you’re busy right now. Would you be willing to do an interview about the recent Arasaka break in when you're free?” Rachel said. “All the media outlets are trying to find you. It could be for a large sum - probably not a million eddies, but close to it.” </p><p>“If you can’t pay, then I won’t talk,” I replied. <em> That’ll buy V some time.  </em></p><p>“But -”</p><p>“Take some photos of your overstretched arsehole and that'll make the front page."</p><p>“What the fuck?”</p><p>“Goodbye, Rachel.” </p><p>I hung up. Judy covered her mouth to hide her laughter. “Should I ask who that was?” </p><p>“No, but you have anyway,” I said. “Thanks for the shopping trip, and listening about V. I don’t know if she’s awake, but imagine she’s thanking you too.”</p><p>“Can do,” Judy said with a self-satisfied smirk. She elongated her neck back against the bench. "What now?"</p><p>I sighed. If Rachel didn’t have worms in her brain she could have tracked my location through the phone. Shit. </p><p>I tightened my grip on the full shopping bag. </p><p>
  <em> V, you're forcing me to have the time of my life without you. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. V</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey new readers.<br/>I am trying to keep to the tone of the game, so while I know a few of you really liked the Johnny &amp; Judy/V dynamic, I have kept their antics separate and will post it as a different story.<br/>I hope you enjoy this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Johnny," Judy whispered, squeezing me with a hug. "Good luck with V's appointment today. Tell me whether it's shit or not later. We can hit Riot or something."</p><p>I held her tighter and kissed her cheek. "I'll let him know."</p><p><em>Heard her</em>, Johnny said from in my head.</p><p>"V," Judy exclaimed, grabbing my shoulders and examining my face. Consternation was in her eyes, her lips slightly parted. "How long have you been there? It's been like a week of just Silverhand."</p><p>We were outside Judy's bedroom. Whitish light reached through the apartment from a half open window. Talking from other apartment block residents echoed from outside. The radio was softly reporting the news.</p><p>"I had been trying to take over when Johnny's been sleeping," I said. "I'm not great at it yet, but I wanted to be with you before you go to work today. Thought it… might make it easier."</p><p>"Babes, I'm so happy you're outta skull prison," Judy said. She kissed my lips, with a vigor and desperation. I returned the enthusiasm, grabbing her face and not wanting to let go. </p><p>"That's a proper V kiss," Judy said. She was grinning, yet her eyes were watering. "Not the playin hard to get kisses for Johnny."</p><p>"I know," I said. I stroked the side of Judy's hair where it was longest, with green and purple. "Why are you about to cry, my love?"</p><p>Judy curled her fingers into half a fist and brought it to her mouth, tilting her head down. "So worried I lost you, babe - for good - just like Ev."</p><p><em>Weren't we all?</em> Johnny mused.</p><p>I ignored him. </p><p>"Judes," I said, wrapping an arm around her torso, caressing the small of her back. "I don't feel like myself exactly, not yet, but… I'm not Ev. It's not bad enough to be Ev. I've got you and Johnny looking out for me. That is what makes me the happiest."</p><p><em>Shucks. Where's the diamond ring, V?</em> Johnny asked, oozing sarcasm. <em>I feel I have been waiting my whole life for this moment. </em></p><p><em>Saving up for one</em>, I told him, not knowing if I was serious or not.</p><p>"Shit, I gotta go to work," Judy said. "Can't show myself like this, with mascara running down my face."</p><p>She gently wiped her cheeks with the back of a hand and shook out her wrists, as though that might make it dry.</p><p>"Dunno. Looks kinda hot, actually," I said. I tried to smile.</p><p>"I love you, V," Judy said, holding my waist. </p><p>"I love you too."</p><p>"Johnny's cool and all, plays sick tunes, but… he's not you. I am worried about you, and I want you to feel like you. I can see the real you, if I look close enough. You're still V. You're just stuck on a loading screen." She tried to grin, though more tears fell down her face. </p><p>"Fuck, I hate the spinning circle of death," I said.</p><p><em>You should kiss her again</em>, Johnny said. <em>Don't let her have the last word.</em></p><p><em>This isn't an argument</em>, I answered.</p><p>
  <em>Kiss her passionately enough and it'll feel like one.</em>
</p><p>Johnny had never given me advice like that before. He usually pretended to yawn or gag when I was with Judy. Occasionally he said something was cute, but that was it. When Johnny had been driving I had been able to feel sensations that weren't mine - Johnny's emotions. They weren't strong, like hearing it on the other side of a screen - but they were unmistakable. </p><p><em>You can feel us make out, can't you?</em> I asked him.</p><p>
  <em>Look, that wasn't making out, but yes, I can feel it - like through a used rubber for my face.</em>
</p><p><em>Urgh</em>.</p><p><em>Exactly</em>.</p><p>
  <em>They're called dental dams, wiseguy. Get used to them while you're in my body.</em>
</p><p><em>Hey, anything's better than a sheath that cuts off my circulation</em>, Johnny acknowledged.</p><p>"Is Johnny talking to you?" Judy asked.</p><p>"Yeah," I said. "I don't think I am going to stay around for the appointment, but I love the sound of a movie later, if you are ok to skip Riot."</p><p>"I'll get something ready," Judy said. She dangled her car keys as though it would unlock the largest movie collection in the world. "Something Johnny will hate with a passion."</p><p><em>I hate that you know enough about me to do that</em>, Johnny addressed my girlfriend, appearing next to her. She couldn't hear - obviously.</p><p>"Good luck at work, my love," I said. I pulled her from the back of the neck and kissed her - hard. My nose pressed into her mascara stained cheek.</p><p>I made it go on for so long Johnny laughed. <em>That's more like it.</em></p><p>"You haven't kissed me like that in a while," Judy said. She blushed pink.</p><p>"Sorry."</p><p>"No," Judy said. She smiled. "Reminds me of good times."</p><p><em>She means when you've fucked</em>, Johnny said. </p><p>"That was the plan," I replied, ignoring Johnny. I smiled, for real. </p><p>"Take care of yourself, V," Judy said. I followed her until she left, and returned to the kitchen. The apartment was now empty.</p><p>Whenever Judy was at work Johnny had been using a second hand car to drive to my apartment in Watson. This was to blend in. Every day, we chose some of my belongings to transport to Judy's apartment. The idea was to stay around Judy as much as possible without bothering her. For the rest of the day, Johnny picked out a location I liked and drank alcohol - just one drink though. On a few occasions he ran from the media or NCPD. Sometimes he shot bullets. That rarely ended well. Not once had he returned to the Afterlife. Kerry had collected his gear from there as a favour - then they'd hung out and wrote music. When Judy went to sleep, my time became Johnny's.</p><p>Today would be different. Today the routine had broken. My breath caught in my chest. I hunched over, shaking from head to toe. </p><p><em>V?</em> Johnny asked.</p><p>My lips pulled back and tears dripped down. "Johnny, Judy's gonna leave me. She's gonna leave."</p><p><em>First you're me, now this</em>, Johnny said. He materialised in front of me. <em>Where'd you get that insane idea from?</em></p><p>"I am too sick. I remind her too much of Ev. She won't be able to handle it." My knees buckled and I hugged myself, grasping onto my pajama shirt. "Johnny, what am I gonna do without her?"</p><p><em>She's not gonna leave you</em>, Johnny said.</p><p>"You don't know that," I snapped. "You don't know her like I do."</p><p><em>I've gotten to know her a lot over the past week</em>, Johnny said. <em>You're not dying anymore, no more relic malfunctions. That counts for something. Judy's happy about that. </em></p><p>"But I have barely seen her all week," I said. "It's not good enough, Johnny."</p><p>Watching the aquarium, Johnny shook his head and took off his sunglasses. <em>V. I don't mean to sound like your mother…</em></p><p>I snorted.</p><p>
  <em>... but you are more than enough. You're a legend in the Afterlife now.</em>
</p><p><em>You're not absent enough to be my mother</em>, I replied.</p><p>He walked nearer to me, meeting my gaze. <em>Maybe it's exactly because you remind Judy of Ev that she has another reason to stick around. This is her chance to see you get better. Ev died in a bathtub, but you came back to life.</em></p><p><em>I don't need reminding of how Evie died</em>, I whispered. The blood and Judy's panicked expression was sharp in my mind. It was one of the ultra vivid, highly detailed memories where V and Johnny's experiences had merged. Always hard to go through again. </p><p>"I don't know who I am," I implored. I crouched. "Everything feels wrong."</p><p><em>Did you remember Mikoshi, like I asked you to?</em> Johnny queried, looking down at me.</p><p>"Sometimes," I said. "I can tell V is worried about losing her memory, losing her mind. I can't tell what she was feeling. I wanted to protect her."</p><p><em>Judy and I ARE protecting you</em>, Johnny urged. <em>And you're talking about yourself in third person again. </em></p><p>"I'm not."</p><p>Johnny paced in a circle. <em>Don't delude yourself again, V. You care about yourself so damned much? Then get off your ass and go to the doctor yourself.</em></p><p>"I can't," I said. My bones felt like they couldn't hold myself up. "I want to understand what V was feeling then - in Mikoshi."</p><p><em>What good would that do?</em> Johnny asked. He sat at the kitchen benchtop and manspreaded so bad I am surprised his fly didn't go undone. <em>You're fixated on that like it's the meaning of the fucking universe. </em></p><p>"That's what it feels like to me. Without it, I don't exist."</p><p>
  <em>Honest to god, V, this is why we're taking you to see a doctor. You're a trainwreck that's still on wheels.</em>
</p><p>"A doctor probably won't know what to do," I snarled. I stood and kneed Johnny's thigh in hope he would close his legs. He didn't. "They're useless. If Vik doesn't know, no one does."</p><p><em>Judy and I agreed to try</em>, Johnny said. <em>I wish I could tighten my metal arm around doctors' necks too, but it means a lot to Judy because of what happened to Ev. Fuck, V, we worked so hard to get you to come out. Don't be a whiny bitch and shoot your psychotic brain in our faces, unless you want Judy to REALLY leave.</em></p><p>I spluttered for breath, still shaking. "You're right. Shit, Johnny, I know you're right."</p><p><em>Thank you,</em> Johnny said. He took out a cigarette. <em>Want to have breakfast? Or I can have the keys.</em></p><p>"I want to stay here a little longer."</p><p>I walked to the cupboard and picked out V's favourite cereal. I removed the milk from the fridge and orange juice. I placed them on the benchtop and changed the radio to V's preferred station - Body Heat. I did the same for cutlery and a bowl. Johnny stayed in the high chair next to me, as I made my cereal - milk first, then pushed the cereal under the surface with the back of the spoon. Ultimate crunch.</p><p><em>Wanna know what you were feeling in Mikoshi, V?</em> Johnny asked, stretching his arms out in front.</p><p>I nodded, too busy chewing cereal. </p><p><em>When you were panicking Judy was going to leave you - that's what you felt in Mikoshi,</em> Johnny said, tapping his nails on the benchtop with each word. <em>Except instead of being scared for Judy, you were worried about losing yourself, and losing me</em>.</p><p>My teeth chattered. I forced myself to swallow. Milk dribbled down my chin. The horror of the situation pulled me underwater. My spoon trembled in my hand. "Oh god. You really think so?"</p><p>
  <em>I know so.</em>
</p><p>"But… you're not V. How could you know that?"</p><p><em>I am using empathy, V,</em> Johnny said. <em>Miraculous, I know.</em> Remember<em> what you said to me?</em></p><p>I gave myself a headache bringing Mikoshi to mind. The sea of darkness, and glowing blue lines. I balanced an elbow on the benchtop and rested my forehead against my palm.</p><p>"V said she loved me," I said.</p><p><em>Wrong. You said you loved me</em>, Johnny corrected. He touched the tag on his chain. <em>And I said it back. Big difference. I would have kept my mouth shut, if you had.</em></p><p>I pushed my cereal bowl away and put both hands on my forehead.</p><p>"God damn," I struggled to say. "My fucking god, Johnny."</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>"I don't…" I gulped. "I don't feel like that about you. You're just some rockerboy that happens to be in my life. I love V. I love Rogue. My heart shattered for bitchy, beautiful Rogue."</p><p>Vicarious anger flowed through me like my hands had been planted on the hot stove.  </p><p><em>That's not your perspective, V,</em> Johnny said. The space between his eyebrows creased. <em>It was mine.</em></p><p>"Johnny… it's all gone. When Mikoshi ruined everything… it took that away. I'm sorry." I buried my face in my arms. "I'm so goddamned sorry. I know what V said, but I don't know what it means. It doesn't make sense to me. Doesn't mean anything."</p><p>I cried into my arms, embracing the darkness. My breath fogged the benchtop. </p><p>"It was more important that you remember V than V remembered you," I explained, "but it still makes me so s-s-sad."</p><p>There was quiet for a long time. I felt a stabbing in my gut coming from Johnny. It was sharper than my melancholy, more acute.</p><p>Finally, Johnny said, "V, we have to get ready for that appointment. We're gonna be late if you don't calm down - and I'm not looking forward to another migraine."</p><p>I sniffed. "What should we do?"</p><p>"I know. Sit tight," Johnny said. He stood, stretching out his back, twisting his arms side to side. "And then I wanna drive and get us to this fucking appointment."</p><p>I nodded. "Ok."</p><p>Johnny's flickering form rested a hand on my shoulder. While I felt nothing my breathing slowed, the apartment became clearer. Then we swapped places.</p><p>"Look through my eyes," Johnny instructed, "and stay with me for a minute."</p><p>I did as Johnny asked. I sat inside Johnny's head - our head. I saw what Johnny did. It was like we hadn't switched. I had merely given up control.</p><p>"You gonk," he said, in V's voice. He sauntered to the bench near the stove and picked up a handful of tissues. He dabbed our eyes, our nose, blew our nose, and threw the tissues away. They missed the rubbish bin. </p><p>I breathed slowly. Tuning into our body, I became aware of the taste of ash in my mouth. How many had Johnny made scream with these tobacco stained lips? Initially it had been grounding to watch Johnny on the prowl in clubs. It reminded me that I wasn't Johnny. His interests were not mine. Some were repulsive. He didn't come like me, from the same motions as me. There was a roughness to how he fucked women, no love in his words or touch. We both valued passion in sex, though expressed it in opposite ways. I slept through his sexcapades more and more, sometimes waking drenched with a need that wasn't mine. Lust wasn't enough to feel alive. It wasn't enough to make me want to face the world. Was it enough for Johnny? I continued to use Johnny like an intercom. A messenger. </p><p>"You don't have to like me right now," Johnny said, the sound of my voice bringing me back to the room. "I wanted to murder you at the start. But you know something else?"</p><p><em>What?</em> I muttered, disgruntled.</p><p>"I know feelings can change," he said. "Now you needa calm down, and I am gonna do it the Silverhand way."</p><p><em>What's that?</em> I asked, dubious. </p><p>Johnny licked his fingers and ran it through his hair. Paused. Taking a deep breath, he changed the radio station to Morro Rock. Drums and a guitar rift from Paranoid by Black Sabbath boomed through the speakers. Positioning his fingers meticulously, he played air guitar. I was amazed with his dexterity. He bobbed his head to the beat, and growled the verses. The music practice with Kerry was paying off. My voice was developing a rich contralto. I didn't know how to create that sound. But Johnny could.</p><p>"<em>Make a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and I will cry,</em></p><p><em>Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal.</em>"</p><p>He kicked the high chair, and swore when it didn't tip over. The bruise on our bare toe pierced up our leg.</p><p>Taken aback, I laughed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Johnny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The longest chapter yet. I hope you enjoy it!</p><p>Warning, there is a sex scene at the end. I've tried to not make it too full on, but if this isn't your thing feel free to skip.</p><p>I would love to know what you think.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The McMilan 3.0 was on the seventh floor of a decrepit office tower in Downtown of the City Centre. It was a namesake of Shrink Tower that used to be around in my time. After the Fourth Corporate War the entire Medical Centre had to rebuild. Corpos declared shrinks weren't a high demand service, and didn't include them in the new medical building. The GPs, psychiatrists and psychologists that had called Sector 4A home told Arasaka they weren't buying it and relocated to a hole in the wall. Thankfully, Kerry had given me directions, otherwise I wouldn't have known it was here.</p><p>I was sketchy of the multiple surveillance cameras, directly outside the elevator. By the rectangular sliding signs, the doctors' rooms filled every other space on the floor. To my right was a large open floor space. Beyond that on the other side of glass doors and walls was the McMillan 3.0 waiting room. It was more like a lobby to a hotel. The carpet was paper thin onyx fuzz. Leather seats lined the walls, and small square tables tucked into the corners. These had magazines and pamphlets standing up in plastic holders. Information sheets on Cyberpsychosis were readily available in a circling wire rack near the front counter. A single potted plant was by a window with closed shutters. Framed ads for common medications and Trauma Team membership fees plastered the walls, the sorts you stare at with indigestion using a public toilet. Most of the customers in this loony bin were half cyborg, had multiple implants, or were in suits. One suit crossed his leg and shuffled further against his chair - like actual humans couldn't ever go to Shrink Tower. </p><p>The speakers in the ceiling corner played an ad for <em>Ketamine Instant - 3X faster than Ketamine Bullet. Forget you have a human head. No pain. No mess. </em></p><p>Four women and two men typed at computers behind the polished wooden counter, all in navy blue collared shirts and suit pants. Two were separated by a gate, transporting medications from one counter to another. SCRIPTS OUT were listed on a sign underneath - like I could be given medication for no apparent reason.</p><p>The receptionist to the far left gestured me forward, her glittery blue eyelids stoic. Her blue lips couldn't force a smile.</p><p>“Hello?” she said, sounding bored. </p><p>“I have an appointment with Dr Mayako,” I said. “For Valerie. I’m a few minutes late.”</p><p>“You’re twenty minutes late,” the receptionist corrected, examining the screen. “But not late for your appointment - lucky you.”</p><p>“Har har,” I forced out.</p><p>“We received your online consent form. Dr Mayako was faxed your previous medical history. She has transferred a referral letter to Dr Czajka based on your conversation on the holo.”</p><p>I had not directly spoken to Dr Mayako or Czajka - though one detail annoyed me more than the conversation being recorded without my knowledge. “Why the fuck are you still using fax machines?”</p><p>The receptionist frowned. “Because… we just do.”</p><p>“It’s 2077.”</p><p>She glanced at the time on her computer screen. “So?”</p><p>“The fax machine is 100 year old technology. You really have nothing else?”</p><p>The woman raised her perfectly groomed eyebrows and her gaze pointed at the desk, like this loony bin was exactly where I belonged. “Uh huh. Please sit down. The doctor will be with you soon.”</p><p>I examined the rotating wire rack for any pamphlets related to amnesia, or relic malfunctions and found nothing. Surprise surprise. </p><p> “Come in, Valerie.” </p><p>Dr Czajka had an accent. Maybe 60. She was pale and wore a white and teal grid patterned business dress, with her copper hair tied back.I followed her out of the waiting room, down a corridor to the right, to the room on the end. It was small. An Asian man with glasses was typing at a computer in a buttoned up purple shirt and dark trousers. He raised a hand and smiled. “Hi Valerie." American accent. "How are you?"</p><p>"I'm here. What does that tell you?"</p><p>"Not much," Dr Wilkerson chuckled. "Ask if you have any questions." </p><p>I beelined for the fabric magenta sofa opposite the second empty chair. It was covered with multi coloured cushions. </p><p>“A slumber party. That's what I need,” I said, lying on it and putting my feet on the armrest. </p><p>“Please take your boots off the sofa,” Dr Czajka said.  </p><p>I sighed. “Can’t sit anywhere I want then, can I?” I did as she asked anyway. "You better not be recording this."</p><p>"It won't be, if you do not want it to be," Czajka said. She sat opposite me. "It is an opt-out process."</p><p>"Opt me out."</p><p>Wilkerson clicked something with his mouse. "Done."</p><p>"I was asked to see you today based on the description of your problem from Dr Mayako's referral letter," Dr Czajka said. "I am a psychologist. Dr Wilkerson is one of the practice's psychiatrists and will be taking notes until I am finished." </p><p>"Okay."</p><p>"You can call me Aubrielle." She went over formalities like confidentiality, legal disclaimers and privacy. She skimmed the referral letter that Dr Wilkerson passed her. "You have had some trouble with a friend of yours who is in your head, sharing your body. Is that correct?"</p><p>"Right on the money."</p><p>"What more can you tell us about why you are here?" </p><p>I waited, to see if V would talk. Nothing.</p><p>"Valerie - V - owns this body," I explained. "She's the one who needs your help, but she's shy and doesn't want to come out."</p><p>"Unexpected but not unheard of," Dr Czajka said. She smoothed out her dress over her thighs. "V used to occupy the body the most?"</p><p>"Yeah, since a week ago."</p><p>"Did anything precede this?"</p><p>"Yeah," I said. "Something massive happened which made V lose a lot of her memory. She cries a lot, sleeps, and she thinks she is me a lot of the time. Not herself at all."</p><p>"For now you are the dominant personality. What is your name?"</p><p>"Johnny," I said.</p><p>"Johnny…" Dr Czajka nodded to her colleague. "You use masculine pronouns?"</p><p>"'Course I fucking do."</p><p>Dr Czajka smiled. "Is V capable of occupying the body now? The appointment was for her, so she should be here, not you."</p><p>"I know that," I said. <em>V?!</em> Still quiet. "She's not answering."</p><p>"What would you like to do?" Dr Czajka said. "I can use this time to talk to you if that would help."</p><p>"No, thanks. Help V."</p><p>"Is there a way to make V talk?"</p><p>"Yeah. Judy."</p><p>"Who is that?"</p><p>"V's girlfriend."</p><p>"Ah, right." Dr Czajka glanced at Dr Wilkerson who was typing furiously. "Is Judy here today? Can you call her?"</p><p>"She's at work." I wanted to yell at them. "Don't fucking imply that I can't get V to come out."</p><p>"You're very angry."</p><p>"No shit."</p><p>"I wonder why that upsets you so much."</p><p>"The appointment is for V, right? Why are you parroting your psychobabble bullshit at me?"</p><p>Dr Czajka gave a sympathetic smile. "If you don't want to talk to me, would you like to talk to Dr Wilkerson? Maybe it will be easier."</p><p>I scowled at the psychiatrist. They wanted me to talk to the better paid shrink, the one even more like a doctor than this lady?</p><p>"Whatever. Until V shows, talk my ear off."</p><p>Dr Wilkerson pushed the wheelie chair away from the computer. He and Dr Czajka switched places with the chairs. </p><p>"Morning, Johnny. You ever quoted that line from The Shining?"</p><p>I slouched and crossed my arms, leaning back. "Once or twice."</p><p>This wasn't supposed to happen. V had agreed to go to the appointment. Why wasn't she here? </p><p>My heartbeat pulsed in my neck.</p><p><em>V</em>, I called in my head, <em>remember all the work we did to get here. Don't waste it.</em></p><p>Silence.</p><p>"While we wait for V, would you mind answering some questions? It will help me figure out what medication we might prescribe you today."</p><p>"I don't need meds."</p><p>"I'll be the judge of that," Dr Wilkerson said, still half smiling. He wasn't going to take my shit.</p><p>"I can play 20 questions."</p><p>"It won't be 20," Dr Wilkerson said. "Are you high or drunk at the moment?"</p><p>"I'm not on anything. No drugs, no meds, zero."</p><p>"And how long has this split been happening for?"</p><p>"For months," I said. "V has only been having breakdowns the past week or so."</p><p>"Hmm." Dr Wilkerson glanced at Dr Czajka who nodded at him. "When was V last 'out'?"</p><p>"This morning because she wanted to attend the appointment."</p><p>Dr Czajka gave the psychiatrist a stern nod.</p><p>"I think Dr Czajka has more to say."</p><p>"What, we playin' musical chairs?"</p><p>"Tell me if V says anything," Dr Wilkerson said. He opened his legs slightly, leaning forward. "We can't diagnose V without speaking to her. For context's sake, I believe you and V have Grade 4 DSD."</p><p>"I'm not a doctor. What's DSD?"</p><p>"Dissociative Spectrum Disorder," Dr Wilkerson said. "Grade 4 dissociation is when an originally whole personality is fragmented into two or more compartments."</p><p>"V's not a suitcase," I said. <em>Weird. Alt combined our personalities.</em> "If we were originally one person, why did we separate?"</p><p>"I don't have the answer to that. I imagine it has something to do with what made V lose her memory."</p><p>"Uh huh." </p><p>"Usually Grade 4 dissociation occurs from extreme trauma. It has a survival function, and is a coping mechanism. It helps a person who cannot manage extreme stress distribute it among the other parts of their personality. It is called 'dissociation' to make it clear that V is one other part of you -or vice versa- and not really a separate person."</p><p>"V and I have different sets of memories, so for the sake of argument we are separate."</p><p>"That's fascinating, Johnny," Dr Czajka said.</p><p>Idiots. I ran a hand through my hair, disrupting the part. "How do I help V? She needs help and I don't."</p><p>Dr Wilkerson chuckled, long eyelashes flickering down. "Ok, Johnny."</p><p>"Don't patronise me," I snapped. I grabbed a cushion and squeezed it, pretending it was this soulless psychiatrist's neck. "You're another cog in NC's marketing system. Know how you think, how you do business. You're just trying to rip me off. How much is this gonna cost me? More than eddies for wasting my time. V's gonna lose a lot more than you'll ever know." I threw the cushion onto the floor. "You're the so-called experts in this shit. Get V to come out!"</p><p>Dr Czajka and Dr Wilkerson suddenly swapped chairs again.</p><p><em>Think of Judy, V!</em> I called out to her. <em>Want her to cry, or leave your sorry ass? 'Cause she will if you don't show.</em></p><p>"Johnny," Dr Czajka said. "Please don't yell at us or we'll ask you to leave. Now, could you tell us if you have been behaving towards V differently since you took over your shared body?"</p><p>"What relevance does that have?" I demanded. I tried to keep my voice down. For V.</p><p>"I am trying to help you to help V," Dr Czajka said. She gave the warmest smile since I had walked in. Her brown eyes glowed.</p><p>"I want to protect her," I said. Heart pounding, I bent forward and wiped my forehead. I couldn't look these gonks in the eye. "She's not strong enough on her own."</p><p>"Protect her from what?" Dr Czajka said. Dr Wilkerson gave me a brief smile before typing on his computer.</p><p>"She was dying before," I said. "I had to be there or we would have been toast."</p><p>"Is V still dying?" Dr Czajka asked.</p><p>"No, because I saved her life," I said. "V could be still dying now, or already dead, if not for me."</p><p>"What is it like to retell that?" Dr Czajka asked. "How does it feel?"</p><p>"Couldn't be a real shrink unless you asked me that," I said, with a half-hearted smile. I stretched my legs out, wanting to balance them on something. "Makes me want to shoot somebody - figuratively. If I haven't really saved V, if she's gonna be this psychotic wailing banshee for the rest of her life, then what was the point? I have to step in for now, until she can be better."</p><p>"What you are describing is not unusual," Dr Czajka said. "Men can be prone to guarding their loved ones carefully. Their identity and social world is constructed around the idea of being a leader and protector. Guys can sometimes be overprotective out of a genuine desire to help. Sadly, it can have the opposite effect."</p><p>"You're acknowledging me as a typical gung-ho egotistical man. Maybe we can finally get somewhere," I said, sarcastic.</p><p>The tone went over the psychologist's head. "Yes. Alters -"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"'Alternative personality'. You are the dominant personality so you can function, while V - the part of yourself that is damaged - will stay that way as long as you keep her out."</p><p>"For a sec, can we get past the idea that V is me? It makes all this hard to understand."</p><p>"Yes, we can stop referring to her like this," Dr Czajka said, with a nod. "V does not know who she is. Without talking to her I can talk in general terms. If she cannot find herself, she must make a new identity. The only way either of these identities will develop is if she is allowed to occupy the body. You must let her explore, experiment, experience her pain. Only when she is better you can agree to become one personality again."</p><p>"We could become one person?"</p><p>"If this is what you both want."</p><p>I slouched further, burying myself in the squishy sofa. "Don't like the sound of that."</p><p>Dr Wilkerson chimed in. "You don't have to be a victim, Johnny. DSD is only considered a problem that needs fixing if it is causing you or V disruption in your life. Grade 4 dissociation can also be treated by teaching strategies so you and V work together."</p><p>"That is more V and I's style. But we never signed up for couple's counseling," I said.</p><p>"Everyone, even me, can work on communication skills," Dr Czajka said. She grinned, showing near perfect teeth.</p><p>V appeared in the seat next to me with red eyes, a trembling mouth, sobbing. <em>Sorry I am late. I just -</em></p><p><em>Stop. Talk to these guys, not me</em>, I said.</p><p>"Johnny?" Dr Czajka checked.</p><p> "V might be able to talk, but warning you - she's a mess."</p><p>V nodded from next to me and held out her hand. I lined up my fingers with hers.</p><p>We swapped places. I was sitting where she was a moment ago, still resting my hand on hers.</p><p>"I dunno what to do," she blubbered. "I don't know what to do with myself anymore."</p><p>"You must feel lost."</p><p><em>Go on, V</em>, I encouraged her.</p><p>"Sorry," she said. "I just feel so horrible all the time. Sometimes I wanna take my pistol and end everything, but then I think of how V would feel and I can't stand it."</p><p>"Johnny told us you are V, Valerie," Dr Czajka said. She passed V the tissue box. "Who's girlfriend is Judy?"</p><p>"Mine - shit. Judy is V's girlfriend. Rogue was Johnny's, kinda… oh fuck." She dabbed her face with her hand. "I miss Rogue."</p><p><em>Here we go again</em>, I thought.</p><p>Dr Wilkerson was typing notes, and Dr Czajka went in a completely irrelevant direction. "Rogue. Johnny didn't tell me about her."</p><p>V turned to look at me. Dampened, the wound where Rogue had lurked was deep and stung. "She was the most gorgeous badass I'd ever laid eyes on."</p><p>I guessed what V might say next, and I loathed it. My arms tensed against the sofa. Pressure rose to my head.</p><p>
  <em>Don't wanna hear you talk about Rogue, V.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why not?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You know why.</em>
</p><p>V blinked hard and buried her face in her hands.</p><p>"V?" Dr Czajka checked.</p><p>"Johnny… gets pissed off when I talk about Rogue."</p><p>Dr Czajka said, "Is that what you would like to talk about today, V?"</p><p><em>No, she doesn't</em>, I tried to explain for her. I moved into V's body and kept her mouth shut, fighting against her. V gasped, and her torso shook, like choking through her nose</p><p>"Are you ok, V?"</p><p><em>I won't talk about Rogue</em>, V conveyed to me, <em>but we're getting another appointment and you'll be coming with me.</em></p><p>This appointment was to help V, and I should let her talk about whatever she wanted. The thought of Rogue made me want to blow up Arasaka Tower all over again, like nothing had changed. I was still fuelled by revenge, plunged into an ice pool. I couldn't undo the work I had done to get V to come out. Judy would probably punch me - and I wished for V's happiness more than my own right now. </p><p><em>Deal</em>. I released my hold on V and sat next to her. <em>Tell those shrinks I'm sorry for forcing you to shut up. And… sorry to you too.</em></p><p>V heaved for breath. "I'm ok. Just had a panic attack. Johnny says sorry for interrupting."</p><p>"What did you enjoy before you lost your memory?"</p><p>Slowly, a bundle of pain, she talked about the positives in her life, like me and Judy. Dr Wilkerson typed on his computer. "I know some medications that could be helpful for you. Whatever you take will impact Johnny as well, so I would not recommend anything too potent."</p><p>V slouched, looking at her knees. "I dunno."</p><p><em>It's fucked, but it's worse you being like this</em>, I told her. <em>I don't wanna lick the boots of Trauma Team, but take meds if you want. I'll earn money for them until you can</em>.</p><p><em>Th-thank you, Johnny</em>, she said. </p><p>I listened carefully while V spoke about what it felt like to ‘be’ me - being invincible for versus, then having a breakdown during the chorus. The idea of V and I splitting from one mind gnawed at my concentration. Had V’s mind separated from mine like tearing overdue bills against the grain? My determination to not be a whiny pussy about Rogue could mean V was running the waterworks by herself. This unilateral mindfuck could be definite proof of toxic masculinity. But how to un-toxic-masculine-ify myself and help V? Fucked if I had a clue. </p><hr/><p>Finally, the time had come for Johnny Silverhand to take a psychiatrist's prescribed medication - and it wasn't anti psychotics. Courthouse evidence that I wasn't full of shit. No one was going to find out because the script had V's name on it. Sometimes, it was good to share a body. </p><p>"Your Trauma Team membership?" The blonde receptionist from before asked. A small basket of medication was on the counter. </p><p>"Expired, but I got the cash."</p><p>"Would you like to renew your membership while you are here? You will get 15% off this visit and 30% off any medications."</p><p>"A whole 15%, wow, that's gonna change my life," I drawled. I wanted my sarcasm to hurt them.</p><p>The receptionist scowled like she wanted to staple my hand to the receipt. </p><p>She rotated the computer screen towards me. "Please let me know if you still do not want to go ahead with renewing your membership."</p><p>I scrutinized the screen. It had two columns comparing costs - without discount and with the discount. The invoice was long - with the referral cost, the psychologist and psychiatrist initial consultation fees, and the mood stabilising medication, resulting in a total of €$304. The discounts added, including the Trauma Team renewal fee was €$368. It was an entire months’ rent. </p><p><em>It looks like a scam because</em> - V began. </p><p><em>It is total bullshit</em>, I finished.</p><p><em>Everything’s condensed</em>, V said. Exhausted from venting to shrinks, she didn’t make herself visible. <em>That same amount of medical care would have taken six months to a year to happen if they were all separate appointments. And I didn’t have to repeat my problem four to five times. </em></p><p>The renewal fee had already nearly paid for itself. If it was entirely up to me I wouldn’t have set foot in this loony bin in the first place. </p><p><em>I’ll pay for it for you, V</em>, I told her, <em>but don’t start pretending these corpos don’t have a noose around your neck. </em></p><p><em>Wasn’t gonna</em>, V said. </p><p>“Renewal of membership, pronto,” I said. </p><p>The receptionist finally showed a hint of emotion. She smiled. "Fantastic. I will add the renewal fee to your invoice, and discounts will be added."</p><hr/><p>I was so ready to leave this hell of feelings and corporate wank that I didn't notice the stranger that approached me until he tugged my sleeve as the glass door slid open.</p><p>"Thanks for ripping my heart off my sleeve," I grumbled. I yanked back my arm and stormed forward. I had enough of this place, and I didn't have to be polite, so long as I wasn't a complete cunt.</p><p>"Before you go," he said. "I was hoping we could speak privately? I manage the medical interns of NC, and I wanted to let you know about some studies they're running at the moment."</p><p>A walking advertisement. Typical. </p><p>I looked up at this douche. He had a graying beard, a permanent slouch to his shoulders and the start of a beer gut. He wore the same suit as the others, navy collared shirt. </p><p>"I'll take a pamphlet," I said, "but we won't be talking."</p><p>The man laughed. "Those students haven't finished their posters yet. Early days." He smiled. "Participation in their research studies will earn you bigger discounts on your appointments, and I could get you a generic brand of that medication." He referred to the box in V's unzipped handbag. </p><p>"You mean they didn't give me the generic brand by default? Fuck!" I swore. The electric door tried to close. Since we were standing in the line of fire, it beeped and opened again.</p><p>"It's an opt in process," the man said. </p><p><em>Let's save some eddies</em>, V urged me.</p><p><em>Seems too good to be true, so it probably is</em>, I thought.</p><p>The stranger stepped away from the door and I followed. I moved closer to the corner out of view of the surveillance camera. </p><p>As we moved under the light I thought I might have seen this fucker before. He looked Rogue's age or older so it wasn't out of the question. "Who are you?"</p><p>"Sorry, I have been staring at research proposals too long," he said, with a smirk. He extended a hand. "It's Edgar Hall."</p><p>"Edgar…" I mused, shaking his hand back. Hall. Where had I heard that before?</p><p>My eyes narrowed. I didn't know him, but I knew his name.</p><p><em>Where do you recognise him from</em>? V prompted.</p><p>
  <em>The Medical Centre from 2020 - this guy knew everybody who walked in and out of the place. He was an intern himself in those days.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And… where would he know you from?</em>
</p><p><em>Emergency department. Alcohol poisoning</em>.</p><p>V laughed. </p><p>"What addictive drugs are the kids researching these days?" I asked.</p><p>"The students research new drugs, instead of digging through the trash," Edgar said. "How to help the brain without medication, with less invasive procedures has been popular. Things like improving UV therapies, hydro, cryro - making them portable and work faster - unmeltable ice packs, for instance."</p><p>"None of those would be useful for me to test."</p><p>"You can always be placed in the placebo groups," Edgar said, with a dismissive wave. "Actually, there's one student looking into growing artificial neural connections with the newest cybernetic wires. These wires have been 40 years in the making and have exciting potential. This would remove the need for any medications like the one you have and - we're hoping - less side effects. What do you say, Johnny?"</p><p>I stared. "How'd you know?"</p><p>Edgar chuckled. He crouched slightly to whisper to me, "Word on the street is Johnny Silverhand and V have surpassed Arasaka's technology - and, well, I would be willing to double your discounts under the table to have one of my students do a case study on you. We have fans of Samurai on the team. They'd love to meet you."</p><p>"Word on the street," I said, raising an eyebrow. The only way that story could have got out was from within the walls of Arasaka itself. My heart thumped. I turned my torso to the side, preparing to run.</p><p><em>I don't like this Johnny</em>, V said. </p><p>"The interns hear clickbait crap all over the place," Edgar said, dismissively. </p><p>"Yet it was enough for your nosy corpo boner, right?"</p><p>I pulled my pistol from my belt and made sure Edgar could see when I loaded it. Edgar's gaze lowered to the barrel. </p><p>"What if I… tripled your discounts?"</p><p>"What if you fucked off?" I growled.</p><p><em>Johnny, stop</em>, V but in. </p><p><em>Shut the hell up</em>.</p><p>"This hostility really isn't necessary, Johnny," Edgar said. He turned towards the waiting room door.</p><p><em>No</em>, V said. Suddenly resistance pulled against my arm with my pistol. </p><p><em>Don't fight me</em>, I warned her. I pushed my arm up, to point it at Edgar's head. My arm shook, the pistol rattled in my loosening grip, clunking up an inch.</p><p>"What's going on here?" A cyborg from the waiting room asked. His stomping shook the entire floor. Other patients in the waiting room edged away from the seats near the glass.</p><p>"Our patient is getting abusive," Edgar explained. He raised his hands and stepped back. </p><p><em>You fucking gonk!</em> V shouted. </p><p>"Should I subdue them?" The cyborg asked. He raised an arm that had what looked like a crossbow on it.</p><p><em>Wanna get out of here or be turned into a test subject for Arasaka</em>? I threatened.</p><p>"Wait," Edgar said, lowering one hand. "Be at the ready."</p><p><em>You think blowing the brains out of every corpo we come across is going to help</em>? V screamed. <em>This is probably your fault drawing attention to yourself, dickhead!</em></p><p>"Get that bitch," the receptionist who had served me called through the open glass door.</p><p>"Johnny," Edgar said. He grabbed my arm with the gun. "Put that down or… guess what will happen."</p><p>Adrenaline surged to my arms and legs. I tensed, ready to attack. </p><p>I staggered, not knowing if I was answering V or Edgar. "I'd adore to have a dick on my head, so I could choke you on the crap from your ass."</p><p><em>Let me take over</em>, V urged me. <em>Your strategy sucks. I can get us outta here.</em></p><p>"Charming," Edgar said. He elbowed my solar plexus and forced my arm by my side. "And 'nup."</p><p>Winded, I fell back a step, head pounding. The pain was sharp, like a knife had sliced me open. My pistol rattled. I could pull the trigger right now and the bastard would lose a foot.</p><p><em>You're too tired</em>, I told V. <em>We won't get out the door.</em></p><p>"Surrender or you won't have a choice," the cyborg growled. Something clicked into place with accompanying beeping.</p><p><em>Johnny! Please!</em> V begged me, voice pitching in panic. Her anxiety closed in on me like the electronic doors, freezing every limb and brain cell.</p><p>"What's going on here?" It was Dr Wilkerson. He had a water bottle and wallet in his hand, wearing a black blazer. </p><p><em>Can't</em>, I said, hunching over, clutching my aching belly. <em>Won't let anyone hurt you, V</em>. </p><p><em>No</em>. She started crying again. Her grip weakened, allowing me greater control.</p><p>"Work," Edgar grunted through gritted teeth.</p><p> "That's a patient." Dr Wilkerson urged. He stormed towards them. The cyborg grabbed his shoulders and rotated him.</p><p>"Take the stairs for your safety," the Cyborg said.</p><p><em>Johnny</em>! V cried, hands clawing in front of her. <em>Please listen to me</em>.</p><p>"Step away from them," Dr Wilkerson ordered.</p><p>"I don't get -" Edgar yanked the pistol. I focused on everything I had not to let go. I was covered in sweat. "Paid enough for this garbage."</p><p>Edgar kneed me in the vagina. Honest, it didn't hurt as much as in the balls but it still sent a blunted shockwave from my pelvic bone. I grumbled and swore, snatching at Edgar's knee. His foot skidded across the carpet, losing balance. V must have felt it too because she yelped.</p><p>I dropped the pistol.</p><p>"I'll be directing a complaint to the board about this," Dr Wilkerson said, pointing accusingly. He was getting closer.</p><p>"Downtown, yes, seventh floor of the 3H building," the receptionist said in the distance. On the phone to the cops.</p><p>"The board will believe me over you," Edgar retorted. </p><p> I would have crumpled to the ground, but someone was in the way. Dr Wilkerson caught me. First shoulders, then he hooked his arms around my armpits. A solid foundation to spring into combat. He looked down at me and we made eye contact. His eyebrows sank low, his frown crinkling a wrinkle near his stubble. </p><p>"Get up, V," he said.</p><p><em>I'm trying</em>, V sobbed, standing next to her now favourite pill prescribing daddy.</p><p>"Subdue them," Edgar ordered, pointing over my head like it wasn't obvious who he meant.</p><p><em>Johnny, give me a chance</em>, V pleaded, grasping at the air like I was in front of her. Her eyes were as red they had been during her appointment. Her wavy blue hair swayed as she begged. </p><p>"Wait - this was an unprovoked attack," Dr Wilkerson said. He hoisted me up, and I found my footing. "You know what the research says about forced sedation."</p><p>"I don't care," Edgar muttered, baring his teeth. He kicked, knocking the pistol. It spun on the carpet under the gap between my legs.</p><p>"Call off the NCPD," Dr Wilkerson barked. He freed his arms and pulled Edgar's shirt. He hissed. "Some of our patients have trauma associated with police."</p><p>"More work for you, what's the problem?" Edgar retorted. Focused on the floor, he stomped towards me. Dr Wilkerson side stepped in front. I never thought I'd admit it but I had met a psychiatrist who gave a damn.</p><p>I tried to stand, slowly, using the back of the psychiatrist's blazer to balance. <em>V, I can't let you ruin all the work we did in there.</em></p><p><em>You already are</em>! V screamed. She held out her hand, bending her knees. <em>You already did. </em></p><p>Her eyes were so full of desperation it was near intimidating. The room swam.</p><p>"Do you want your interns to hear about this?!" Dr Wilkerson threatened.</p><p>"You're not saying anything," Edgar said. He lunged forward and punched the psychiatrist.</p><p><em>No</em>! V shouted. She brought a hand half way to her mouth as Dr Wilkerson held a palm under his now bleeding nose. "You've gone…" he heaved, "... too far."</p><p>I wasn't listening anymore. My teeth ground together so hard it created a headache. What those shrinks said… but I didn't know how to help. </p><p>I had never wanted to hold onto V so much since Mikoshi. I sighed, rolling my head back. I creeped my arm down.</p><p>
  <em>Fuckin' hell, V…</em>
</p><p>Ding.</p><p>'Seventh floor!'</p><p>The elevator door rolled opened. Boots rumbled across the carpet, sending vibrations up our legs. "NCPD! Freeze."</p><p>My arm was stuck about to lift up the pistol. I closed my eyes, and something small zipped past us.</p><p>I opened my eyes. Dr Wilkerson was in my arms, held above my head. A needle was sticking out of his shirt. Five cops surrounded us in a semi circle, pistols at the ready.</p><p>"You're more fucked now than you were covered in puke," Edgar said, with a laugh. He lifted his chest, hands pushing the small of his back. Arrogant jackass.</p><p>My knees bent more and more and Dr Wilkerson was slowly lowered onto the ground. I wasn't controlling it. </p><p>"Worth every drop I got on your lame shirt," V said. Crouching, she picked up our pistol and placed it in our jeans pocket. Screams erupted from the waiting room. Sparks flew and bounced off the desk. Fire flickered from their favourite device. V had blown up the fax machine. I laughed as the surveillance camera span in circles, beeping incessantly. </p><p>V stood again, Dr Wilkerson in her arms, and walked backwards.</p><p>"Shoot!" One cop ordered.</p><p>"No," Edgar said, cutting across them with an arm. "You can't risk shooting the Dr."</p><p>"Take her down," the other cop said.</p><p>V half jogged backwards, Dr Wilkerson's legs dragging across the floor. Blood pumped through us at top speed, breathing madly. She was moving towards a window against the wall.</p><p><em>Run, V, run</em>, I told her.</p><p>V didn't need the memo. She kept shuffling backwards, gritting her teeth, arms straining, shaking. One cop stopped. </p><p>"Who turned out the lights?"</p><p>The far left badge pointed his gun at the other cops, arms shaking. "Get away! I am about to shoot!"</p><p>"Don't shoot us!" The blinded cop said. </p><p>The window sill dug into V's back. She ducked, as the cyborg shot another sedation pin. The cyborg growled, and dropped its weapon. The machine gonk's eye-windows exploded, sizzling. Tiny sparks spat out. V rested Dr Wilkerson against the wall and dug both hands under the window. She lifted it. It jammed half way, so she shuffled it from side to side. Able to see behind her, I warned of incoming traffic, <em>Edgar wants some more puke, in 4...3...</em></p><p>The intern supervisor dashed towards V, arms out. The cop shot the other two cops weapons. They caught fire. Quickhack glory. Dropping their smoking pistols, they hit the carpet. A fire started. Smoke twisted to the ceiling. </p><p>"You're going nowhere, Johnny," he growled. Spit was pooling at his bottom lip like a rabbid dog.</p><p><em>Now</em>, I ordered.</p><p>The window open, V turned around, lifted herself by the forearms behind her. Using her awesome core strength, she kicked Edgar in the stomach with both boots. He coughed, winded, and snatched at her leg. He caught a shoelace, which unraveled, and pulled off her boot at the ankle. </p><p>A smoke alarm beeped.</p><p>V kicked his leg. Edgar was forced back and threw the boot at V's face. I tried not to laugh but it hit her jaw and bounced off. A line of dirt smeared her face.</p><p>Cops were on the phone to the fire department. One went into reception. Many patients ran out screaming.</p><p>"Edgar, stop," called a woman. </p><p>Edgar snatched the end of V's jeans. He sighed. "What now?"</p><p>"Stop," she repeated. It was Dr Czajka. She turned to the NCPD and Cyborg. Power resounded in her voice. "Go home."</p><p><em>Who would have thought shrinks could be badasses too?</em> I mused. The Cyborg left silently and lifted the water storage from its dispenser with a cop.</p><p>V wriggled free and hoisted herself out of the window. She looked through into the building. "I'm so sorry about the mess, doctor."</p><p>"I said you could call me Aubrielle," she said. Her high heels made a padded sound against the carpet. Eyebrows tight as her crimson painted lips, she pulled Edgar away by the arm. "My client had to have a time out from the stress this has caused him. You've damaged rapport with so many repeat clients."</p><p>"<em>Sorrryyy</em>," Edgar groaned, insincerely. He straightened. "I was only trying to help."</p><p>"Get fucked," V and I snarled. It was weird to have our voices unified. </p><p>"I am inclined to concur," Dr Czajka said, coolly. She returned her hateful glare to Edgar. "The media hears about this and heads will roll."</p><p>"I'll stamp it out," Edgar assured her, "ma'am."</p><p>"Good," Dr Czajka said. She smiled. "It was lovely to meet you, V. See you next time."</p><p>V grinned and nodded. "Hope you're still keen on giving us a discount?" She checked with Edgar.</p><p>He scowled and glanced at Dr Czajka, swallowing. "Oh yeah, still keen."</p><p>"Thanks. You're the best," V said. She gave a winning smile. "I knew I could trust you."</p><p>Edgar forced a lopsided smile that was painful to watch. "Lemme know if you want to participate in any studies."</p><p>"V will not be participating in anything without my express permission," Dr Czajka said. "Is that understood? I'll send you an email to confirm."</p><p>Edgar sighed. "Yeah, yeah."</p><p>The cyborg and cops poured the water from the dispenser over the burning carpet. Steam blossomed upwards and out, surrounding the ceiling. The smoke alarm was still going.</p><p>Dr Czajka lifted V's bag and boots from the floor, which she took. </p><p><em>Ask her if she's single for me</em>, I told V.</p><p>V shook her head and closed the window from the roof side. <em>You can do better than that, Johnny. </em></p><p>She straightened her legs and placed her handbag around her neck. As she bent one knee to put on her boot, I examined the other rooftops. On the right, a buff guy in a suit peered his head around the corner of a generator.</p><p>
  <em>V.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Possible sniper on the roof.</em>
</p><p>I barely finished the end of my sentence when gunshot fired.</p><p>Grimacing, V groaned as her fingers pressed on the bleeding wound in her leg. She squinted to the guy, tucked in her elbows, laid down and rolled herself down the length of the roof. The sniper screamed and collapsed with a thump. Unconscious.</p><p><em>V</em>? I checked. I crouched next to her. <em>Hold up. Where are we going?</em></p><p><em>To the car to get bandages</em>, she said.</p><p>
  <em>We could get help from Shrink Tower. It's closer.</em>
</p><p><em>Could be swarming with suits</em>, V disagreed, physically lifting her thigh over the side of the roof. </p><p><em>Dr Czajka would wanna help</em>.</p><p>V glared at me, then rolled her eyes. She sighed, pale as the clouds. "Let's go back… then get the elevator."</p><hr/><p>V's mobile rang as we waited outside Judy's work in the car. She checked it. "Rachel again."</p><p><em>Answer and tell her to fuck off,</em> I said, sitting in the front passenger seat.</p><p>"No."</p><p>It was dark. No radio or lights on. It was warm.</p><p>V wore her favourite dress with white roses on black down the middle and reflective crimson along the sides. Pink matte lipstick and eyeshadow brightened her features. It was hot on her, whichever way you looked at it. I still wouldn't fuck her if you paid me though. Sheer stockings adorned her legs and fresh dressings covered the top of her gunshot wound. Outside was slightly orange, thanks to the night sky and vibrant street lights.</p><p>Judy waved, grinning, and hurried to the car. I stepped out and into the backseat. </p><p><em>Have fun being a third wheel</em>, V said.</p><p>
  <em>I'm essential, V. Can't ride a tricycle without me.</em>
</p><p><em>Unlike you, I grew out of the tricycle as a kid</em>, V retorted.</p><p>Judy opened the door. "Lemme guess: V."</p><p>"How could you tell?" V asked her.</p><p>"Your smile," Judy said, smiling herself. </p><p><em>Well, well, isn't that cute?</em> I said. </p><p>She moved onto the passenger seat and closed the door. In the quiet everything felt closer together.</p><p>Judy kissed V on the mouth. A weak tingle crossed my lips. "Where's Johnny?"</p><p>"Not here," V lied.</p><p><em>I get it. You don't want me here</em>, I said. I sighed. Lucky V getting a movie date. Would it be a drive in, the cinema or a cosy snuggle at the apartment?</p><p>"Babes," Judy said, leaning back and touching V's thigh. "What happened to your leg?"</p><p>V shrugged. "Stuff."</p><p>V told the story of the appointment, including encountering Edgar and the chaos that followed. My soulmate often took breaks to catch her breath, speaking in bursts. I thought back to what those shrinks said as she retold it and moved inside her head. Her body became ours. Her jitteriness stopped feeling separate from me, as was her tense stomach. Damn, it wasn't fun to be V right now. </p><p>"Good you made it back," Judy said. "And the psychologist wasn't landfill." She leaned her face against the seat and ran the back of her fingers down V's cheek. Her fingers were cold, her nails smooth. It ran a chill down our spine. "I was thinking about you a lot today."</p><p>"Yeah," V managed. Her throat was constricted. "I didn't mean to miss so much of the appointment. I just… felt so stupid. Johnny reminded me of an overprotective brother, like the neighbour who used to live across the street from me. Coolest big kid on the block, always liked to play rough. At the time I wanted to stay in my world, being little Valerie who scraped her knee on the pavement and needed a bandaid."</p><p>"I get that," Judy said. She rotated her legs to touch V's. "Johnny's like that for me too. 'Cept for me, my neighbours were all scabs. Had a friend in primary who was a wisecrack - kinda like Johnny. You got lucky with him. Bright side, you have bigger bandaids now."</p><p>"True," V chuckled. She kept looking at the steering wheel. "Honest, it wasn't all Johnny as to why I was late to my appointment. All I wanted... was to be here, with you." Her voice lowered to a whisper.</p><p>Judy smiled, curling her fingers slightly as she kept stroking our face. The street lights made her eyes sparkle. "You too." She touched the other side of V's chin and observed V's lips. "I'm… here now."</p><p><em>Got a feeling I should delta</em>, I thought. V didn't want me here. I liked watching this, being this, but that didn't mean I should. A live BD, raw, unedited. But V knew I was here, she just liked pretending I wasn't. Before I wouldn't have cared about it - but I knew Judy better now. If V wanted me to go shut eye, wouldn't she say so?</p><p>V? I asked.</p><p><em>You're not here</em>, V told me.</p><p>
  <em>Understood the first time.</em>
</p><p>"I missed you," V said. I felt our affection stirring, a warmth building. With it a pressure.</p><p>Judy leaned forward and kissed V. We closed our eyes. I stayed within the awareness of V's body. Slow, gentle kiss… slightly wet, quiet. We held each other with a soft grip. Mushy romantic loving, just how V liked it. The tension in V's chest eased. Her heartbeat slowed.</p><p>"Hey, V," Judy whispered. Her smile showed her teeth. "Let's go."</p><p>"To the movie?"</p><p>Sometimes V was really stupid.</p><p>Judy cackled and ran a finger down our chest. "I'm the star of this flick, but yeah, let's visit the studio."</p><p>V laughed. Gonk. She placed a hand on the wheel. "I'll drive."</p><hr/><p>I thought about passing out, so I wouldn't have to be tortured by V, the social failure extraordinaire. I didn't. V drove Judy to the upper class cinema that all the corpos went to. I didn't ask why V had picked that one - was she hoping to be shot again? V placed on a floral facemask and sunglasses as she entered. </p><p>"What's with the mask?" Judy asked.</p><p>"Watch and learn," V said.</p><p>It was probably to confuse face recognition technology.</p><p>She placed a small wallet at the counter full of receipts. "I can get two free tickets with your eat out deal. Surprise me."</p><p>The cashier merely scraped the receipts towards him with three fingers and glanced at them. "You can." He printed two tickets. "Enjoy."</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p>"Nice," Judy said, grinning like she had successfully looted a bank. When the time came to enter the cinema, V grasped Judy's hand and dragged her to the restrooms.</p><p>C'mon, V, don't be trashy, I wanted to say. Were they going to take stimulants or fix their makeup? Judy's forehead creased. Probably, she was as confused as I was. The washroom looked like the ensuite of a five star hotel. The mirrors had golden frames, the sinks were enormous and had engraved lilac coloured soap. Travel packs of chocolates were on a small table - most empty wrappers. Orchestra music played through the radio. The sink benchtop was made of marble. Basalt tiles lined the floor. The light was understated, dim and diffused.</p><p>I watched the surveillance camera turn down. </p><p>"Got us the best seats," V said. She went to the last cubicle which was actually a change room with a shower. It was flashier and had more space than the one in Judy and V's apartments put together. </p><p>"Dunno if we will have time to see a movie after this," Judy said.</p><p>
  <em>Stop pretending this is about a movie.</em>
</p><p>"Depends," V said. "The ads last twenty minutes."</p><p>"I'll take that." </p><p>Now if you want to call me a pervert or voyeur you would be entirely right. I had every opportunity to leave. In the past I got bored or envious after a while, felt I was invading their privacy too much. Judy and V having sex wasn't the kinda thing I'd get off to. It wasn't the same as watching porn. No way near as fake, over the top or interesting… but V hadn't rejected me stepping into her senses earlier. I did the same again, curious to understand V - thinking in some twisted way I might understand myself. Or was that an excuse, because I thought Judy was worth that level of attention?</p><p>They got naked, turned on the shower water, giggled, and started making out. Judy briefly scampered out of the shower to steal the fancy bar soap, locking the cubicle on her return. Judy glided the soap bar over our shoulders and chest. Hot water, nimble hands. V did the same back, as the soap lathered. Judy ran her tiny hands over V's breasts, covering them in so many bubbles her nipples may as well not exist. Judy moved on her toes to kiss V, and V dropped the soap. It slid across the tiles to the corner. Hair drenched and sticking to their shoulders, they kissed with tongue, slowly. I thought back to when I had last kissed someone like that, and knew who it was.</p><p>
  <em>'Sorry, Johnny. I can't,' Rogue had said, sitting up by the elbows, pushing me away from on the back of the car. The drive in movie theatre returned to me. All the empty space and beaten up cars. 'It's not right.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Darkness broken by the occasional red or white light. It did nothing for the mood. I was worried. My chest was getting crushed under tyres, tonnes of scrap metal. The air froze me from inside out. My lips were still wet from when we had connected.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'Not fair on V?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'No - nothing to do with V. It's not fair on you.' Rogue implored. 'Tried so hard to pretend nothing's changed. Tried to believe 50 years hasn't changed anything, but it has.'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>While Rogue had usually avoided my eye, I caught a glimpse of her eyes. Eyebrows were stern, determined, focused, yet everything else screamed that she was sad - possibly more disappointed the moment had to end than I was.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'You mean you didn't want this?'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'I did,' Rogue said. She slipped from the end of the car. 'But that doesn't mean it should happen.'</em>
</p><p>V held onto Judy's face and kissed her deeper. Our throat was sore. Her lips quivered against Judy's. V's girlfriend stroked her hair, lightly tugging it at the ends.</p><p>"V," Judy said. She glanced up. Her gaze gleamed with concern, caressing the back of our neck. "You okay?"</p><p>V nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'm ok. I'm ok."</p><p>"Is it that bullet hole in your leg?" Judy asked. </p><p>"I'm not bothered by that," V said. She ran a hand down the side of Judy's waist. </p><p>"V…" Judy said. The corner of her mouth twitched. Her grip tightened on our neck. "You know you can talk to me, right?"</p><p>"I've done a lot of talking today," V said. "Don't want to ruin this. Want it to be nice, simple…"</p><p>Judy smiled. "Know the feeling, babe."</p><p>V chuckled. "You do."</p><p>We listened to the shower water pour for half a minute.</p><p>"The moment won't be ruined," Judy said. She grabbed our hand with both of hers. "I promise."</p><p>I contemplated stopping V again, but she had asked me to pretend I wasn't here. I didn't want her talking to overpaid shrinks about Rogue, but Judy?</p><p>V answered before I could figure out what to do. "The… what happened to save my life… my mind is more connected to Johnny's now than ever. It - some of it is pretty overwhelming. That's all."</p><p>"Johnny?" Judy asked. She looked down at the water, how it ran between her toes and swirled down the drain. Her green and purple hair stuck together and slipped over her shoulder. Her fingers tightened on our hand. "It's… because of Rogue, isn't it? She and him, they…"</p><p><em>Good memory, Judy</em>, I thought. I had told Judy about Rogue the first night I crashed at her apartment a week ago, and hadn't mentioned Rogue's name again. It meant a lot she had remembered this - like she hadn't completely forgotten I existed.</p><p>She looked up. Her eyes filled with tears, teeth chattering. She struggled to keep her eyes open. She had to be remembering Evelyn Parker. </p><p>The Arasaka Tower floor returned to me, with the glowing blue light against black tiles, similar to this shower. Rogue's lifeless body sprawled at my feet, eyes closed, blood splattered from a wound in her chest, exposing some ribs and her stomach. Beautiful, even in a gory death. Beautiful, like the heart I had violently torn from her fifty years ago.</p><p>"It's ok, babe," Judy said. She breathed sharply through her nose. "Whatever you feel, no matter how fucked it is - I got you.." She swallowed. Her voice became near incomprehensible, fighting to keep eye contact. "It's ok to still love somebody who is dead - just, don't go and be dead with them. We gotta figure out what kind of life they wanted for us."</p><p>I retreated from V's body. The bursting emotions were the worst kind of acid trip. I breathed steadily, as V was crying again. I could tell by how rigid she was standing, even though the shower water made everything blend together. Judy hugged V, resting the side of her head against V's breasts. She reached up to run her fingers from the ends of V's hair and down her back.</p><p>"Th-th-thank you," V spluttered.</p><p>"I love you, V," Judy said. "We're going to get through this - you, Johnny and I - all together."</p><p>V nodded, clearly too overwhelmed to talk. The way Judy was facing, it was like she could almost see me. She was fixated on the soap bar at my feet. They were quiet, and V continued to shake. She gripped near Judy's shoulder blades.</p><p>"I've ruined our date."</p><p>"No," Judy said. "This is good. I can hold you and make you smile. I'm never letting you go, V."</p><p>"Neither am I," V said. She sighed, like a large weight was lifted from her shoulders. "Fuck. I love you. I need you so bad."</p><p>Judy stood back and posed like a model, poking out her chest and ass. "I'm yours for the taking."</p><p>The making out started. I stepped in front of V, wondering if she would stop me. She did nothing, too busy tonguing her girlfriend. Ready for another mind fuck, I returned to our mind, I connected my sensations to V's. The emotions through her were hardcore. Rocking waves, like a stormy sea. The kissing was fluid, perfectly in time. Lips locked and eyes closed, Judy's hand reached down to V's clit, and V widened her legs to accommodate her. V and I didn't get off from the same direction or pressure. Pleasure wasn't the point of this.</p><p>The bathroom door opened. The clap of high heels crossed the floor. V and Judy stood perfectly still. Their kiss stopped. They grinned and shook from silent giggling. Judy's fingers gently curled up, still teasing V's clit. V also reached down to Judy's legs. Judy blocked V by crossing one arm over her body. </p><p>The swing of a cubical opening and closing. The lock bolted.</p><p>V flicked one of Judy's nipples, and Judy buried her face in V's boobs to stop herself laughing. The shower water and orchestra music drowned out whatever business the stranger was doing - or they were pee shy. Either way thank fuck for that. When the tap water gushed from outside, Judy removed her arm from over her body. V slid her hand over Judy's clit. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes tight, her ribs expanding. Judy crouched on her knees and buried her face against V's labia and clit, beginning to work at it with her tongue. She moaned, softly. It felt damned good, even if V got more out of it than me. Her emotions rose with it - a kind of intimacy, a grief. V's legs fell open and she backed herself against the shower wall. Placing a hand on Judy's head, she gripped her hair tight.</p><p>"Think the ads are still going?"</p><p>Judy simply nodded and buried her fingers inside V. Two to start with, then three, four, five… and finally, her hand curled into a fist. I remembered one time I tried this on Rogue back in the day and got hot and bothered, as well as nostalgic and needy. I forgot who I was in the intensity of it all. I'll cut all the detail - point being, V got fisted until she came. Her orgasm disrupted emotions as well as a general physical high. When we were recovering, V's hunger turned to Judy. </p><p>Judy grinned, shook out her fist and blew it, like it was a pistol. V laughed. I probably did too, kinda annoyed that I had fist bumped her on that hand. They kissed, softer again. V turned Judy around twice. "Your turn, Judes."</p><p>Details? Not relevant for most of it. Judy faced away from V, pushing against V's fingers. Then Judy turned around. Her drenched hair and water droplet covered eyes were beautiful. She smiled. </p><p>"I haven't gotten off since Johnny moved in," she said.</p><p>"A whole week? Babe…" V stroked at Judy's clit.</p><p>"Was so shit. Spied on your body a few times though." She grinned.</p><p>I wasn't expecting Judy to sink so low, but I approved. It was good she was as twisted as I was. I focused on the tenderness and passion of her kisses, remembering Rogue. I pretended I was in her arms.</p><p>V slipped her fingers inside Judy again. Judy arched her back, pursing her lips, keeping eyes shut tight as shower water splattered on her face.</p><p>"I missed you," she mumbled, sounding spaced out. Her breath was shallow. I brought the younger Rogue to mind, when I had buried my fingers into her. Her walls gripped tight, my knuckles dragging. She had felt so hot, smelt amazing. Not only from her cinnamon perfume.</p><p>Judy reached down for her clit and bit her lip. "Shit, keep going."</p><p>V shoved her fingers in and out faster. Judy quickened the pace she rubbed herself too, moaning. The wet sound of her slickness gradually became louder. V kissed Judy's arm, gripping her hand. Then V slowed down. </p><p>"Faster," Judy pleaded.</p><p>"I'm trying, just…"</p><p>I sighed. Didn't take a genius to know what was happening. <em>Want some help?</em></p><p><em>Depends what you mean by help,</em> she replied. </p><p>V was acknowledging me again. <em>Your wrists and hands are cramping up. I can take over. I have been saving my energy.</em></p><p><em>You're not touching Judy</em>, V told me. <em>She doesn't want it, I don't want it. </em></p><p>
  <em>I won't kiss her. I am just offering to push her over the edge for you.</em>
</p><p>V's hands slowed more. <em>I've seen how you make women come. Judy doesn't like that.</em></p><p>Good point. A pause.</p><p>
  <em>Well… why don't you ask her?</em>
</p><p><em>What?</em> V demanded.</p><p>
  <em>She's been craving a mind blowing orgasm all week, why don't you ask if she wants me to help?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You're going to make her go dry.</em>
</p><p>"Sorry, Judy," V began.</p><p>Judy's eyes fluttered half open, blissfully dazed. She rubbed on her clit more ferociously. "V… please. Don't stop. I'll love you forever."</p><p><em>What a manipulative little cunt</em>, I thought. Staring at us with adorable doll face eyes, legs spread, boobs pushed out, pink nipples hard. Then again Judy probably meant it in a desperate, cute way. That was her and V's thing. And sometimes it had been Rogue and I's thing.</p><p>"Judes," V started to say.</p><p>Judy mumbled as if to say 'go on'.</p><p>"I'm getting tired. Mind if I get a little help?"</p><p>"Help?" Judy chuckled, her voice raspy from all the moaning. "You mean Johnny?"</p><p>"Only if you want. He wanted to try something."</p><p>"I literally…" Judy spat out some water. "Don't care right now. Make me come, V, whatever that means." She grinned. "As long as you have control it'll be you - I trust you."</p><p><em>That's consent, V</em>, I said. I focused on regaining control of V's hands. <em>Was that so hard?</em></p><p><em>Yes</em>, V said. "Hold on to me, Judy."</p><p>Judy shut her eyes, holding onto our arms with her free hand. I gripped the side of Judy's hips with one hand and curled the other inside Judy. It was a different angle to V, and that was the whole point. Mustering all my strength, I pounded the inside front wall of Judy's vagina as quickly and forcefully as possible. I didn't care if it hurt her. This was my method. V could drop her prissy love making down the drain. My other hand pushed and pulled against her hips, emphasising the thrust, making sure I could dig as deep as Judy's body would allow. Rocking, she scrunched her eyes shut tighter. It was so intense she stopped moving her hips herself, slowing her movement on her clit. She became a limp, passive doll.</p><p>"Ok, Judy?" V asked.</p><p><em>Don't ask stupid questions</em>, I retorted.</p><p>"Y-yes," Judy said, eyes fluttering open, her voice vibrating against the intense finger fuck.</p><p><em>Not a stupid question</em>, V snapped back.</p><p>Judy gasped. "It - fuck - I'm -"</p><p>
  <em>Did you hear that, V?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Shut up, show off. </em>
</p><p>"V," Judy said. She met our gaze. "I love you so fuckin' much."</p><p>"I love you too," V said. She bent forward to kiss Judy. Judy had an orgasm while their lips met. She gave a long guttural moan, our hand getting crushed with her rapidly pulsating muscles - only I wasn't finished yet. Exhausted, she closed her eyes. </p><p><em>Johnny</em>, V warned.</p><p><em>5 seconds</em>, I promised.</p><p>I pulled away from Judy to get a good look at her expression and said, "V hasn't been here the entire time."</p><p>Judy's eyes snapped open. She let out a shrill scream and covered her chest. Complete terror. All the while, I refused to let her escape and pumped her with my hand. She lifted a leg to kick me but was too weak. Perfect. Her orgasm fried brain was incapable of rationalising, or noticing I had bullshited her. </p><p>"Johnny!" V admonished. "It's ok, Judes. I'm here." She regained control of our hands and pulled her fingers out of Judy. <em>Piss off, asshole.</em></p><p>I was thrown out of V's body with the force of an Afterlife bouncer. I stumbled, holding out to brace against the wall. I regained my balance. I sardonically chuckled. </p><p><em>It was worth every ghastly second, V</em>, I told her, waking around so I could see them both.</p><p>She kissed Judy's face, and hugged Judy her mushy, soft way. Judy had not removed her hand from her clit. She moaned again, which morphed into a high pitched yelp. Eyelids half closed, it appeared her eyes had rolled into her head. A second orgasm. Her body slowed, uncoordinated, breathing deeply. Her arms went limp at her sides. "What the fuck… was that?"</p><p>She stopped moving, all except for her legs twitching. V pressed her closer to her. "Johnny played a prank on you, my love."</p><p>"Urgh, shit. Never…" Judy breathed. "Do that… ever again."</p><p>"Johnny says, <em>won't be</em>," V relayed. </p><p>"I nearly pissed myself from fright, you dickhole," Judy groused.</p><p>"You don't wanna know what Johnny thinks about that," V said.</p><p>"Sicko," Judy mumbled. </p><p>"Sorry I didn't keep his mouth shut," V said.</p><p>"Love, I can barely keep him quiet either. It's ok."</p><p><em>I'll remember this forever</em>, I thought. <em>Tell Judy I am sorry. </em></p><p>In short, Judy recovered. Maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't kick me when I regained control of the wheel next. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For anyone interested, I had to look up the Wiki for the pen and paper Cyberpunk to get the details about Shrink Tower. There's no mention of it in 2077 as far as I know, so I took creative liberty. Edgar Hall is in the pen and paper version. I expanded on him.<br/>I also tried to think of what Dissociative identity disorder would be classified as in the future.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. V</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for waiting while I finished this chapter. My holidays had finished so I hadn't had as much time to write as usual.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Judy and I missed a third of the movie. It was a mindless action flick so it was easy to follow the story - perfect for post-sex cuddling. The cinema was half full, and this meant the cuddling could be squishier than normal. Johnny knew he had fucked up scaring Judy in the shower, because he didn't say anything until the movie was over. My eyes were still adjusting to the yellow light in the corridor. The deep red carpet made me feel I was still sinking into the velvet seats. </p><p><em> Missed calls - who are we dealing with? </em> Johnny asked, walking besides me. Judy was on my other side, gripping my arm.</p><p>I took my mobile from my handbag and held the button to turn it on. <em> Wait - Jesus </em>.</p><p><em> Tell that to dopey puppy eyes over there </em>, Johnny said, with a nod at Judy.</p><p>I turned to her. She was leaning into me, walking aimlessly, so her knees frequently crossed over as she stepped. </p><p>"Judes, you okay?" I checked. </p><p>"Sure am." Her voice was subdued.</p><p>"Still spooked by Johnny, huh?"</p><p>"It's not that," she said. </p><p>"Talk to me, babes."</p><p>Judy shrugged and grinned, meeting my eyes. "After dinner."</p><p><em> Long term relationship 101 for dummies, </em> Johnny said, <em> get fucked, catch the movie, THEN have dinner. </em></p><p>
  <em> What's gotten you so grouchy? </em>
</p><p>Johnny picked out a cigarette from the box in his pocket, lit it, and stayed silent while we exited the lobby. Down a metal spiral staircase was a market floor - with takeaway and eat-in options as far as the eye could see. </p><p>"What do you feel like, Judes?" I asked.</p><p><em> Need my arteries run over </em>, Johnny replied.</p><p>Ignoring him, I watched Judy. She smiled. "Something vegetarian? Not feelin' the soy meat."</p><p>I tried to find a middle ground. "Pancakes?"</p><p>"Perfect," Judy said. While we ambled past stalls towards the pancake restaurant, I checked my missed calls. There were two - one from some woman named Ruby who wanted a booty call (Johnny's vice) and Takemura. I glared at Johnny, and Judy placed her hand on mine.</p><p>"No phone for tonight?" She suggested. "Hadn't properly talked to you in yonks."</p><p>I flipped the phone closed. "Johnny has a fan wanting an autograph."</p><p>Judy laughed. "That's stupid."</p><p><em> Way to go emasculating me, V </em>, Johnny grumbled. </p><p>We discussed the movie until we found Pancake Paradise in a corner and asked for a table for two. The restaurant blocked out the noise from other stores well. It had wooden floorboards the same dark shade as the tables and chairs. Judy and I discussed her work while searching through the menu and making our order. We ordered one savoury and one sweet pancake to share. </p><p>"Know if you've got any contracts?" Judy asked, leaning over her elbows and forearms. </p><p><em> Sure we do, but V shouldn't be working right now </em> , Johnny told Judy, standing at the length of the table. <em> We need eddies though. Guess I will do it. </em></p><p>"I will talk to some fixers," I explained. "I'll see what's on the table."</p><p>"Good choice," Judy said. </p><p>I wanted to know what Judy thought of what it was like to live with Johnny for a week. He was slightly defensive at times, though otherwise we had a good laugh. The savoury pancake we shared was spinach, tomato and asparagus. The sweet was raspberries and thickened cream. </p><p>When finished, Judy moved her knife and fork together and pushed the plate to the middle. "Listen, V, I have been thinking about something."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Johnny is part of you permanently, right?"</p><p>"Basically."</p><p>"I want to keep being on Johnny's good side, so -"</p><p>"You haven't made him mad."</p><p><em> No, you haven’t, </em>Johnny agreed.</p><p>"To be a good homie, to help you - I had ideas."</p><p><em> If Judy's thought of it, it's gotta be good, </em> Johnny said.</p><p>Judy stood and pulled a spare chair to the table. "This is if he has anything to say."</p><p><em> Thanks </em>, Johnny said, sitting down. </p><p>"He appreciates it," I said. </p><p>"You and Johnny should have your own stuff," Judy said. "Your own room, own wardrobe, own cereal, own towel…"</p><p><em> Our own bed, </em> Johnny said, <em> bathroom, mirror and clothes basket. </em></p><p><em> Don't get ahead of yourself, </em> I told him <b>.</b></p><p>"I thought if the two of you have your own space, live your own lives, it might make it easier to not feel like you're Johnny all the time," Judy finished. She sheepishly smiled.</p><p>"That sounds awesome," I said. I looked down at my hand and unfolded the napkin. "Only thing is… your place doesn't have a spare room."</p><p>Judy rotated her glass on the spot. "Yeah, I don't have the eddies right now for a bigger place, but… if it sounds preem to you and Johnny…"</p><p><em> V </em> , Johnny said, reaching forward to take the napkin from me. <em> Need to check your head hadn't clocked out again. You know what Judy's asking, right? </em></p><p>I frowned and withdrew my hand. I didn't want to assume she wanted to live with me permanently unless that was not the case. I turned back to Judy, "If we do that then, what would I do with my apartment in Watson?"</p><p>Judy turned pink and leaned on an elbow. "Move out of it?"</p><p>She looked at me like it was insane. Her hands trembled. "Don't know how Johnny feels though."</p><p><em> Cop out, Judy, </em> Johnny said. He leaned back in the chair. <em> As far as secret deals go, this is one I can live with.  </em></p><p><em> You'd wanna live with me and Judy? </em> I asked.</p><p><em> Until I find someone better than her to live with </em> , Johnny said, with a shrug. <em> Can't guarantee what luck I'll have in this body. Sides, Judy's a special kid. Take it from me. You could spend another decade or two searching for an improvement. </em></p><p>Judy looked sideways, "What did Johnny say?"</p><p>"He's all for it," I said.</p><p>"And are you?" Judy asked. "I get if it's gonked, like… I'll always be one person missing in our apartment, but that's what is fair to you and Johnny. Think it would be cool, actually, having another housemate."</p><p>I smiled. "I like the idea - think it's sweet, but…"</p><p><em> But? </em>Johnny tested.</p><p>"Oh god," Judy said, hands falling onto the her lap. </p><p>"It… feels too soon for me, at the moment."</p><p>"Too soon?" Judy asked. "Did I do something bad?"</p><p>"No. The old V wouldn't think it was too soon, I don't think. I'm… not ready yet. Everything's kinda mixed up since Johnny saved my life," I said. "I need more time…  I need to make new memories with you, Judy."</p><p>"I respect that," Judy chuckled. "For a sec I thought you were going to dump me."</p><p>"No way," I said.</p><p><em> While you were busy making eyes at each other, I had an idea, </em>Johnny said.</p><p>"Johnny's gonna take over for a sec," I warned Judy. She nodded.</p><p>"Hey," Johnny said through our body. "Waste of a movie - not enough gore for my tastes."</p><p>"Least it wasn't a dramady," Judy said.</p><p>"No. I would have asked V to kill me," Johnny said. "Thanks for trying to fit me into your life. Makes all this easier - and I am sorry again for freaking you the fuck out before."</p><p>Judy shrugged one shoulder. "Live and let die, dude. What's your idea?"</p><p>"While V might not want to save up the eddies yet to move in with you, I do," Johnny said. "I'll be making sure we put some aside, even if V doesn't want to use it yet, or at all."</p><p>"Sweet," Judy said. "Works for me."</p><p>"And I wanna use V's old apartment for myself. Most of her shit has been moved to yours anyway. She can stay with you other times. Unless you want us to move into your current place? Save money on rent."</p><p>"If V wants to, more than happy for her to move in with me," Judy said.</p><p><em> I do want that, </em>I told Johnny, who relayed it.</p><p>"Ok. Plan is we can spend the months before your lease gets renewed with me keeping V's apartment. Be good practice for later."</p><p>"Cool," Judy said.</p><p><em> Great idea, </em>I said.</p><p><em> Thank me properly later, </em> Johnny said.</p><p>
  <em> Should I be scared? </em>
</p><p><em> Yes, </em>Johnny said. He addressed Judy, "I wouldn't mind hanging out with you some nights too, if the idea doesn't rub you the wrong way."</p><p>"You're welcome, dude," Judy said. "Well played."</p><p>They fist bumped each other. </p><p>"Good."</p><p>I switched places with Johnny again. "Thanks so much. Glad to have that sorted out."</p><p>"Yeah." Judy smiled. "And… what I wanted to say earlier."</p><p><em> Is it that she wants to marry you? Because I can’t cope with so many cute developments in one night, </em>Johnny said. </p><p>"Mmhmm?"</p><p>"When…  can I see you next?" Judy asked. Her voice shook. "You're not feeling well, I get that, but it would be amazing to not wait another week again."</p><p><em> That's gonna be changing too, </em> Johnny seemed to agree.</p><p>"I haven't figured that out with Johnny yet," I said, "but it probably won't be that long. I need to ease back into life slowly, so Johnny's going to be driving the most. It'll  balance out over a few weeks, I am guessing."</p><p>"Oh. That's a relief," Judy said. She blinked rapidly. "I kept worrying that Johnny is going to play another trick on me. That you'll disappear."</p><p><em> No, </em> Johnny said. <em> That joke was a one hit wonder. </em></p><p><em> You mean a flop </em>, I replied.</p><p>"It will be back and forth for a while," I said, "but even if I don't have the mental strength to do anything else, I will set aside some time for you every day."</p><p>"That's the greatest." She grabbed my hand. "Thanks, V."</p><p>My handbag vibrated. My phone was ringing. I checked who it was. Takemura again.</p><p><em> Answer the holo, </em>V, Johnny said.</p><p>I looked to Judy, who asked, "Urgent?"</p><p>"Sorry. Gotta take this," I said. I kissed Judy's hand. "Be right back."</p><hr/><p>I ducked out of the restaurant to a part of the floor no one was walking past, and answered the holo. Johnny had gone.</p><p>"V… your phone gets answered finally." Takemura’s voice was gravely, careworn. </p><p>"Been busy, Goro.” I observed an ad for a cinema ticket deal by the door. “What's eating at ya?"</p><p>"A lot of stories are circulating within Arasaka about you, V."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"Your safety is important. I wanted to offer an explanation - I am thinking I could help you once again, somehow. But for this we must meet. A guest will come too, for extra security."</p><p><em> Does he mean Oda-san? </em>I didn't ask because it was sensitive.</p><p> "Can you meet later tonight?" Takemura asked.</p><p>"Don't think so. How 'bout in business hours?"</p><p>"I work as well at these times."</p><p>I didn't want to blow Judy off. "Early morning?"</p><p>"Early morning it is. 4:30am at Kabuki Market."</p><p>"Got it. Thanks, Goro."</p><p>I hung up the holo. </p><p>Johnny sat by a display of fake plants. <em> You wanna meet Goro or should I? </em></p><p><em> He doesn't know you </em> , I said. <em> I'll do it. </em></p><p>
  <em> What'll be the plan the rest of the day? I have shit to do.  </em>
</p><p>I placed my phone back in my bag.<em> We'll see </em>. </p><hr/><p>I focused on breathing as I walked behind the studio stage and sat in front of the mirror. This dressing room sucked. The white UV lights by each mirror hurt to look straight into. The faux leather chair didn’t completely support my thighs and back. My pencil dress with magenta down the middle and black on the sides didn't suit the drab walls. Fortunately, Rachel had made sure this part of the studio was emptied of guests. </p><p><em> Dunno if I can do this, Johnny, </em> I said, playing with loose skin by my nails. </p><p><em> Bullshit. We practiced five times, </em> he replied, standing in front of the mirror lights. <em> You got this.  </em></p><p><em> Yeah. </em> I gripped my knees. <em> I got this. </em></p><p>Three make up artists surrounded me with tools and palettes, all with brightly coloured hair. One brushed my hair, spraying product, one padded primer onto my face, and the third was examining lip sticks. I sat rigid and unnaturally straight,  rehearsing the speech in my head. A skinny guy swooped in, muttering about my cybernetic ports as he plugged the appropriate microphone in. My body flooded with adrenaline like the gear contained a virus.</p><p><em> It's only going to be 10 minutes, it's only going to be 10 minutes... </em> </p><p>The chair was swiveled against my will into the mirror. I closed my eyes, the bright light turning the darkness red. I waited, begrudgingly, while Johnny commentated on the makeup artists’ lack of personal space. I couldn’t hold a half-hearted conversation with them. I was so nervous. They displayed their work in a smaller round mirror, showing off the violet gold glitter of my eyelids, coffee lipstick and the mascara they’d painted five times over. </p><p>“Cameras rolling in 5, 4, 3, 2…”</p><p>I followed the instruction of the sound guy, barely hearing the enthusiastic cheers of the camera crew and Judy. I stepped over cords.</p><p>“You’ll do amazing - how could you not with that glitter?” the sound guy remarked with a grin.</p><p>I tried to laugh. My throat felt ‘stuck’. “Totally.”  </p><p>"This is Marlon Cross reporting for Fourth Wall studios. Ladies, gentlemen and everyone else, please welcome to the stage, V," called a deep voice.</p><p>Two weeks of routine, all ruined. Killing the old to make way for the new. At least this wasn't a brain dance. At least I wasn't alone. The walk across was numbing. I focused on my instructions - smile, stand tall, and wave once. I grinned at Judy on one of the metal chairs. Johnny was in the technically empty seat next to her, a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. No one else sat in the audience, unless the sound, lighting or camera crew counted. I sat on the red sofa, squinting against the flood light. I tried to focus on the host instead, a slightly overweight good natured bearded guy. </p><p>"Thank you for having me,” I said. </p><p>Marlon gave a grin that reached his eyes, revealing some silver bottom teeth. "V, you can probably guess what our viewers want to know."</p><p>"Probably," I admitted.</p><p>The presenter paused and smiled, like waiting for an audience reaction that would never arrive. </p><p>"We know about what happened at Arasaka Tower, but still the question remains unanswered - why?"</p><p>I made myself more comfortable in the seat. "As some of my closest friends know, I was dying, and I knew Arasaka had the technology that was key to saving my life."</p><p>"And would you say you succeeded or failed?"</p><p>"I don't know," I replied. I fought not to look down. "My life was saved, but… part of me died too. I lost someone important to me there, someone key to Night City."</p><p>"Who was that?"</p><p>I motioned holding an air guitar. "Could I… play you a song I wrote about it?"</p><p>The host turned to the cameras with feigned concern. This had already been planned. "Music? What do you say, audience?"</p><p>Thumbs up and grins from the staff. They would add cheering reactions in post production. Judy beamed at me from a front seat. "Go V!"</p><p>I stood and held out my arm as Kerry strode from behind one of the studio screens. He handed me Johnny's guitar. I positioned the strap around my torso.</p><p>"Please welcome our second but equally special guest - the musician Kerry Eurodyne," Marlon proclaimed.</p><p>Judy called a 'whoo!' and clapped. Kerry waved at the cameras. His own guitar was held in his other hand. A vein in his temple made me think he wanted to say - <em> rock star, ROCK STAR, we agreed on that. </em></p><p>The cord trailed behind him.</p><p>Johnny nodded to me, and sauntered over, giving me a pat on my left arm. I stayed within the awareness of my body while Johnny took control. He stood, expression stoic and brooding, positioning his fingers appropriately. Kerry stood next to him. I had seen those two working their asses off on this song, experimenting with composition and rehearsing until midnight.</p><p>"This is for Rogue," Johnny said. </p><p>He began a high speed rift, and sang clean vocals for the first verse. Though my voice wasn't as deep as Johnny's, he'd done well refining its tone. It was a different style to Samurai, but still had their music. A pre recorded base track played with the drum and keyboard parts. The lyrics were full of sorrow.</p><p><em> "So after all that has been said / </em> <em> Can we find a way back to when / </em> <em> The days were ours to take / </em> <em> And nothing ever hurt / </em> <em> And we failed to offer or forgive." </em></p><p>The drums quickened and he belted the lyrics with the punk edge he was known for. I immersed myself in the raw rage, the other side of the grief I knew so well. It was hot, spikey, heated pokers piercing through our stomach - accompanied by a pressure and heaviness of a dam about to splinter. When rehearsing Johnny had focused on the anger, the revenge of wanting Adam Smasher to die again. Kerry had urged Johnny to pretend to be a sell out and perform like it was a ballad. Johnny had resisted - claimed that was un-Samurai. Kerry had retorted - <em> This is about Rogue, not Samurai. Stop thinking about yourself so fuckin' much. </em> I had to agree. For a while I wondered if he was unable to connect with our grief. Maybe he could understand it in a theoretical sense but not in his heart. I had soaked in his inner musings about Rogue, and thought of what she would want us to do. Tonight I learned the truth. Sometime between then and now he had listened intently to the pain, soaked it up. He had been saving it. He had been preparing for this moment. He wanted his song to reach her. And I did, too. </p><p><em> Wherever you are, Rogue </em>.</p><p>"<em> In the silence that only you know / What hides in the emptiness..." </em></p><hr/><p>
  <em> I pushed Rogue against the door, gripping her arms. Her glittery eyelids disappeared in her surprise. Her green hair reflected a band of pink and yellow light from the Music Channel in the dining room. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You complained I wouldn't give you space, now you won't let me leave," she complained. We were young, and idiotic. A night at Atlantis had ended at my apartment. It was time for her to leave - though I wasn't ready for the night to end.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> I brought one hand to her waist, creeping the hem of her singlet up with my thumb. She straightened her back against the door to move away. Her eyes watered, she turned her head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Can't blame a guy for struggling with his feelings…" I mumbled. I slid my hand absently up Rogue's shirt and she clutched my arm, digging her nails into my skin. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "What feeling is that, Johnny?" She asked, bobbing her head from side to side with a sneer. "your self disgust at what a misogynistic sleaze you are?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "No," Johnny said. "I'd feel you up any day of the week, sunrise to sundown - no dirt off my dick, much less my bruised nose." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "I knew it," Rogue sighed, with a mix of triumph and resignation. She stopped moving as I did, resting her head against the wall, like a model posing for a bath shot.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "You don't have the pride to admit it," I said. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Admit what?" Rogue asked, gaze flashing towards mine.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>  "I got a hundred eddies to my name after that shit gig, but I bet every single one that you won't try guess what it I'm thinking" </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Rogue frowned.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I drew a line around her belly button with my nail like it was a whirlpool I was about to sink into. She didn't release her tight hold on my arm. I said, "That I love you - as passionately as you hate me sneaking my hand under your shirt." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Rogue's grip loosened. She ran a hand over my sweaty chest, fingers splayed so she could imbibe herself with all of me. My chest hair lightly tugged as it dragged. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> "Wrong," she said. "But keep your eddies." </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She kissed me, leaning away from the wall, freeing my arm. I moved it to her jeans but Rogue gently stopped me by grabbing my shirt and pulling it over my head. Her kiss was pulling me nearer, sinking her teeth into my lower lip. My heart slowed, anticipating this would stop, that Rogue would change her mind. But she didn't that night.  </em>
</p><hr/><p>In that moment her love felt true. Johnny took her for granted - but his feelings were more exposed than during their first romantic kiss. I wanted his words to reach her, his regret, our shared anguish.</p><p>Johnny growled the chorus, <em> "That only you know. When the night is long / And the will is weak / Even the broken break. </em>"</p><p>Kerry sang the second verse, and they both performed the final chorus, to foot stomping to the beat. Clapping filled the studio as the last note echoed. The notes were louder than before.</p><p>Johnny switched control with me as Kerry plugged some of his upcoming shows and an EP, before bowing. I pulled the guitar from around my torso and returned it to Kerry, who retreated offstage.</p><p>"Thank you for that special performance," Marlon said. "Rogue is a name NC will remember. You and Kerry, especially."</p><p>"Definitely." I sat back on the sofa. My hands and wrists felt tight, so I stretched out my fingers.</p><p>"What more can you tell us about Arasaka's technology?" Marlon prompted.</p><p>"That's sensitive information," I said, immediately. I had gotten used to giving this answer when I worked for Arasaka as well.</p><p>Marlon leaned an elbow against the sofa arm. "You can't give us a hint?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"I get it." He faced the cameras. "What does the audience think?"</p><p>They cheered. There were eight more Four Walls staff standing by the scene walls from the side doors. They were finishing dinner from Tupperware or foil they carried, observing the stage absently like it was a random television to watch in the pub. </p><p><em> Some members of the audience could have been planted </em> , Johnny said. <em> Stick to our plan. </em></p><p>Eyes wide, Judy jerked her gaze to the side, like asking, <em> who are these guys? </em> </p><p>Losing my train of thought, I took a moment to recall the speech I had meticulously prepared.</p><p>"I can't because I value my life," I answered Marlon. "But I can tell you one thing. For my life to be saved my mind had to be altered so much that I no longer knew who I was. Johnny Silverhand's music inspired me, and now his ghost guides me. He is part of every decision I make. He is like the brother I never had, a friend I can always rely on. I owe him everything."</p><p>"Johnny Silverhand?" Marlon's eyebrows lowered. "The terrorist?"</p><p>"Johnny isn't about terror anymore," I said. I placed my hands together in my lap, to seem confident yet non-threatening, "and neither am I."</p><p>Marlon paused, not breaking eye contact with me. "You make it sound like he's still here."</p><p>"He is to me," I replied. "Only my loved ones understand it."</p><p>"For a legendary merc, that must be a special few."</p><p>I genuinely smiled at the notion, my love for Judy and Johnny warming me - maybe Johnny's love for me was there too. "It is."</p><p>I grinned at the small audience. Judy was pink, tears in her eyes. Johnny wasn't there. He was within me, experiencing our joy, affection and gratitude. Perfect harmony.</p><p><em> Good job, V </em> , Johnny said from inside my head. He was calm, peaceful. </p><p>No one else had to understand it.</p><p>"What is it like to have become famous, V?" The reporter asked. "How does it feel to have everyone on the street know your name?"</p><p>I focused on sitting straighter, trying to angle my head so the flood lights didn't blind me. </p><p>"A fixer, the late Dex DeShaw once asked me if I wanted to burn in flames of glory or have a quiet life. I always thought the question demanded more complex thought, and I wasn't satisfied with two choices. Now I have an answer." I paused, to catch my breath, reexamining the studio and what I have to do. Breathing felt difficult like my ribcage was made of chrome, resisting everything. I focused on Judy. All of Night City had to hear my next words. They had to know I was serious.</p><p>"Arasaka wants to have a 'private word' with me. They want to try to understand me, like everyone else, but I say no. After they screwed with me, I'll choose to screw with them - every time." I explained. I projected my voice. "I went down in a blaze of glory, and tasted death. I rose from the shattered glass and there's nothing left to burn. Now I will leave the Afterlife behind. I'd like to do it quietly. I ask for Arasaka's corporation, because while I can make them go down quietly, rest assured I never will."</p><p>Not a single staff member reacted.</p><p>Silence answered. I couldn’t even hear the chirp of a camera. The presenter kept his smile plastered on.</p><p>"A most fascinating answer, V," he said. He laughed. “Arasaka will want to interview you too now!"</p><p>He knew I had said something to get me in trouble. I knew, but didn't care.</p><p>The presenter asked a few frivolous questions that were easier to answer, like my favourite Samurai songs, the best fixers to work with and what about Johnny Silverhand inspired me. I gave an answer to that one Jackie would have laughed at. Johnny, however, said nothing. We had been chatting for a while. The final minute of the TV slot must be drawing nearer.</p><p>"What are your plans now?" Marlon asked. "Where can any interested contacts reach you?"</p><p>He made it sound so innocent, like it wasn't some trick to rat me out. I knew better. Maybe that wasn't the intent, but I still knew better.</p><p>"Dunno yet," I lied. "Still finding my feet."</p><p><em> V, netrunner in the audience </em>, Johnny remarked. My ribs felt they would crack. This explained his silence. </p><p><em> Where? </em> I asked.</p><p>"You'll know soon," the presenter said. " Thank you again for coming to talk to us. We look forward to hearing what comes next for you."</p><p>"Me too," I said, with a laugh. I tried to diffuse my nerves through my voice. We shook hands. Johnny took over our head momentarily to show me the Netrunner in the crowd. He was standing between two wooden screens, wearing jeans and a The Witcher shirt. I focused on loading a quick hack to fry his circuits. Words flashed on my cybernetics. Loading... Loading...</p><p>“Say goodnight and good luck to V!” Marlon called ,with a raise of his arm, like to personally guide me from the studio. I didn’t need his help. </p><p>I concentrated on charging my quickhack, so much that I didn't hear what Marlon said next. Gunshots fired through the screen and ricocheted from the cameras. Glass shattered, clinking across the floor in all directions. Sparks flew. The presenter ducked behind the wooden artificial wall, but too slowly. Malon and thumped onto the ground. He had been shot in the leg. Blood ran over the floor, hazy from the smoke machine. The screen of my eye implants beeped once, pitiful, a dying battery. I dashed behind the screens, arm up to stop them collapsing on top of me. I dived against the dressing room door. It crashed open, as loud as the screens smashing into the floor behind me. Screams erupted in the crowd, a dissonant contrast to the cheers moments ago. The neon lights were nauseating, the acrid scent of nail polish and hairspray. Heart thumping, I heaved for breath, crossing my arms over my chest to clutch my sides. I felt I was choking, fate’s hand squeezing my throat. The next performers were in here, a pop duo that looked suspiciously like twins. </p><p>“The fuck’s going on out there?” a skinny lady demanded, holding up the hairspray like it was a gun. </p><p><em> Netrunner is still loitering </em>, Johnny told me as an 'Overheating' warning flashed across my cybernetics.</p><p>
  <em> I know. Lost concentration.  </em>
</p><p>“Why’re you wheezing?” the other performer asked, taking a step back. </p><p>“No idea what’s going on, alright?!” I yelled. I hunched over, wanting to block out the hack by sheer will. Impossible, of course. A familiar flicker of heat trickled down my spine with the roughness of striking a match. </p><p>
  <em> Trying to think of the best way out. I'm worried about Judy. </em>
</p><p>“Should we stay here?” the first performer asked. </p><p>“Do whatever the fuck you want!” I shouted. The world was black. I wanted it to stay that way. </p><p><em> We went over this when we got here, V </em> , Johnny explained with infuriating nonchalance. <em> Those media whackjobs are gonna be everywhere. We just gotta subdue them enough to run. </em></p><p>
  <em> Uh huh. </em>
</p><p>“By golly, you don’t have to be so rude,” spat the performer who was carrying their gear. </p><p>Sharp pain fanned out to my ribs and tendons, an umbrella coming undone in a storm. I gasped, a whimper escaping my lips. I tried to open my eyes. It was blurry. Mucus was forming over the surface, gluing my eyelashes together.</p><p>Beep.<em> Overheating. Critical. Warning. Overheating. Critical.   </em></p><p><em> Get to the car out the back way, then go through the main entry and make a path for Judy if she's not already there. </em>Johnny said. </p><p>
  <em> Yeah. </em>
</p><p>I thumped my body weight against the wall. Where was my handbag again? Footsteps were becoming more distant and approaching at the same time. </p><p>
  <em> And the Netrunner, V. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I know. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Flatline him ASAP. He could track us. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Right. </em>
</p><p>My bones pressed together, about to shatter. The Overheat quickhack had almost reached peak torture level. I pelted to the locker, grabbed my bag, and removed Johnny's pistol. Next I pushed through the door and was face to face with a tech guy, fists raised. Trusting no one, I tackled, grappled him around his back, kneed his balls, lifted Johnny's gun, and swiped for his head. Missed. This was no easy task with one eye shut. He struggled, kicking me back. I kept my grip locked. Aimed and wacked his head. Bonk. He groaned. I knocked him out. I half lowered him to the floor before realising I didn’t give a shit. I dropped the techie and his head went CLANG on the heavy metal door. My knees bent, I hunched, shuffling across the floor like it was covered in oil. Distraction couldn’t save anyone from this literal inner fire. It was all I had left.   </p><p>“<em> Just flatline him </em>, he says,” I said loftily, mocking Johnny’s voice. “Just hijack the cameras too, not like a light breeze will blow you over.”  I peered around the collapsed placards and spotted through the splintered studio screens the Netrunner. His scrawny ass put Geralt of Rivia to shame. Geralt of Rivia could pound him into a pulp.  </p><p><em> Hey, I resent that, </em>Johnny said. </p><p>I chuckled, my voice weak. “Bet you do, ‘cuz you can suck my -”</p><p>Half delirious with pain, I fell to my knees and circuits sizzled. I hit my head on the wall on my way down. All I could concentrate on was how much it hurt.</p><p><em> Forget the quickhack, </em> Johnny growled. <em> I'll shoot the fucker </em>. </p><p>My soulmate crawled into each limb of my body simultaneously, forcing his presence against mine, wriggling into a thornbush. Each finger tickled from the underside of my skin. It tugged and pressure knocked me from one spiky branch into another.  </p><p><em> Ok </em>.</p><p>I released my hold on myself. Johnny seethed through his teeth, muttering lyrics to a Samurai song. From this perspective I could see where the flames wormed into our body. The pain was muted, but not by much - like lathering tiger balm on a fresh bruise. Pistol aimed, he crouched and shuffled, taking cover behind a destroyed video camera. Takemura and Oda were shooting from the upper level metal platform. Suits had attacked from up there. Judy was using a door near the front as cover. shooting near the door. She was almost out. The rest of the crew were gone. </p><p>Johnny wiped his eyes on my dress, waited for the overheat to sting less and aimed. Bang. The Netrunner was neutralised. Served him right, nekker wannabe. </p><p>Johnny ducked and hurried back around the stage. Movement was easier, freer. Pain faded. </p><p><em> I can run </em>, I suggested.</p><p><em> Yeah, you can </em>, Johnny agreed.</p><p>I lowered my head as I took control, sprinting to the left, carefully not exposing myself to gunfire. Quickhacks back online, I blared an advertisement from the speakers on the opposite side of the hall - <em> Fake doors. Natural disaster resistance level 5. 10% recycled plastic. </em>Swerving outside the building, suits tried to follow me, I sprinted around the other end of the warehouse. The darkness relaxed my eyes, moonlight a cleanser for the blood I’d seen. Spotting Judy's car on the curb, I dashed towards it. I wildly looked around for Judy. She wasn't at the car.</p><p>I brought my hand to my mouth. <em> God, Johnny, do I go back, or…? </em></p><p><em> Wait </em> , he replied. He sat on the hood of the car, and cracked his neck. It was blissfully quiet, if I ignored the alarm going off at Fourth Wall Studios and sirens of NCPD cars. I couldn’t be blissfully unaware, since the love of my life was nowhere to be seen. Johnny laid back on the car like it was the boat Kerry had stolen. I focused on breathing slowly for a minute. The enormous rectangular add along the studio wall displayed neon pink letters with a black web behind it  - <em> Spidarlings! starring Wizzy Lizzy and Blue Moon. Coming soon. </em></p><p>“Think Kerry got out alright?” I asked. </p><p>
  <em> You think you know someone and then… she asks a stupid question like that.  </em>
</p><p>“I look out for my friends,” I retorted.</p><p><em> So do I. Mind blowing of you to notice, </em>Johnny said. He placed his arms behind his head. <em> Too bad you won’t let me tear your dresses to make a quicker escape.  </em></p><p>I sniggered. <em> Tell that to Ruby.  </em></p><p>Johnny sighed. <em> That’s not even funny anymore.  </em></p><p>It was true. The Ruby fling was a whole lot of nothing. Johnny knew it. I knew it. Even Ruby knew it - but she had known what she was getting into. She would get out now, and alive… unlike Alt and Rogue. It was an inappropriate joke, though while I was stressed I needed to talk stupid with Johnny. Our banter reminded me of who I was - who wore the metaphorical pants. Johnny did, 70% of the time. That number was changing, and it would keep changing. It had been three weeks since our minds merged and split, and life was getting better. The meds had changed what they were supposed to. I felt emotions, and the shadow would stay a shadow, distanced, instead of possessing me. Johnny and I shared our demons, but also a force stronger than that.</p><p>My girlfriend stumbled out, Takemura and Oda guarding either side, assault rifle and a submachine gun at the ready. Sweat drenched their features. Blood splattered their legs, like they’d waded through a swamp of corpses. The height difference was absurd. </p><p>"Go, be quick, V's lover," Takemura told her.</p><p>"C'mon Judes!" I called. </p><p>Judy stumbled as she moved towards the car. She grimaced, forehead wrinkled. Her leg was bleeding. "You drive, V! Take the wheel."</p><p>My poor girl, one eye open out of pain, like I had been. She raised a shaking hand and clicked a button on the key. </p><p>The car door automatically opened. I slid in first, and brought the seat belt across my body. I got the key from Judy and put it in the ignition, turning it. She slipped in after me. Takemura leaned in to help, as Oda fired at whoever moron was still fighting inside. The engine rumbled. The AC gushed. </p><p>"You need help, Judes," I said. </p><p>"I'll be ok, V," Judy said. She was holding her gunshot wound down with both hands. Her fingers had blood in between. "I got you.” </p><p><em> We’ve all got you, </em> Johnny responded, lying sideways on the backseat like a knob. </p><p>I kissed her forehead. Judy smiled weakly, and focused through the windscreen, each word laboured. “Drive. Badlands. Before… bedtime."</p><p>"Panam. Yes." She was going to leave Night City with us. Kerry was considering it too - he had life to sort out.</p><p>I nodded to Oda and Takemura. Oda was striding towards the parked NCPD car, mind evidently elsewhere. Takemura smiled. We'd catch up on the holo in a few days, when Night City was long behind us. Like old times, when I was just Valerie, and Johnny was some virus. We were truly nobodies, and Rogue had understood better than anyone. Now we were somebodies, we had the power to walk our own path. </p><p><em> Step on it, V, </em> Johnny said, punching the back of my seat. </p><p>"I am," I replied. Indicating to the right, we rolled out of the parking space and accelerated down the street. The Dirge station played on the radio. Westbrook was like a grid for a few turns, then we were on the main road. </p><p>Jackie, Night City wasn't the place of dreams we'd hoped it to be. With so many loved ones gone, and my memories of when Johnny was in the chip gone, my apartment had become a waking nightmare. I kept expecting to see corner shops that had been around in 2020, before I was born. Night City felt like a place that belonged to someone else. But that wasn’t bad. Time could only mend wounds if it wasn't constantly reinfected. Skin needed fresh stitches, clean water, salt. Judy, Johnny and I were ready for new memories to sew it closed. Maybe then we can find our city of dreams for real. That's where I hoped I was going. By Judy's smile next to me and Johnny's behind me, they knew better than I did that good times weren't far. And that was saying a lot, because life had been alright lately. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading. It means a great deal - let me know what you think of this ending. I think it would suit the tarot card "The Wheel of Fortune". :-) </p><p>I have some Johnny &amp; V / Judy drabbles drafted, which I may post as a separate fic later on. </p><p>The song referenced is 'What Only You Know' by Dark Tranquillity. I searched far and wide for a song that I thought seemed Johnny-ish enough, while also doing justice to how he feels about Rogue. It isn't in the same sub genre of metal as Samurai (Dark Tranquility is death metal and Samurai is considered punk). I just visualize that Johnny would perform it Samurai style. Nope, I didn't think Queen was Johnny's style - though it probably would be Kerry's!</p>
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